I'm a whimsical artist / painter and poet from Loveland, Colorado. I'm on a life journey of following my heart through creating poetry and art. I believe in being open and vulnerable through my poetry to be a voice for any who may find it inspiring, empowering, helpful or meaningful in their own lives. Creating art is my happy place and my way of painting the world with hope, smiles and a little splash of magic. "Hold onto those you love so dear. Memorize the moments as they pass by. Live, love and laugh all you can - and Make the most of this beautiful life." -Tanielle
Dormant seasons can be especially hard and sometimes letting go can be even harder. I am struggling with this myself right now, if I’m being completely honest. I miss the old me. The me I was before breast cancer …
… Imagine if the caterpillar was never willing to let go of what it once was … if it was never willing to let go and trust in the dormant, changing season … it would never experience what it’s like to spread its wings and fly.
So, here’s to giving ourselves grace in challenging times. Here’s to letting go of what once was in order to make room for all that’s to come. Here’s to growing into everything we were meant to become … even if we don’t see the path in how we get there. Here’s to faith and hope, and personal growth. Here’s to the journey, yours and mine.
A soft, gentle breeze Rustles the crackling leaves From the surrounding trees. They sway back and forth Gliding across the blue sky, Dancing ever so lightly- On the wings Of the cooler Autumn air- Making their journey Back down to earth. This is a season Of transformation. A time of letting go, And for some – A time of rebirth. The closing of a window, Another chapter. The shadows of summer Fading- Faster and faster. Warmer days Drifting away, And cooler temperatures Greeting us at sunrise, The brisk autumn air Beginning to freeze Under the twinkling night sky. The time of shorter days, And longer nights. Warmth from The afternoon sun Occasionally beckons Us all – back outside And we bask In bliss and gratitude- Delighted by the Colors, and beauty in The changing season. Fall has arrived, And winter isn’t far behind. A time for deeper reflection, Looking within, Slowing down, Cozying up, And leaning in- To change. I am thankful For every fleeting moment And memory made. My family And our time here Together Is everything!
I’m searching High and low- For the rainbow In my new normal. Crying, praying, Pondering, And wavering Between hope And hopeless. Between faith And why this? Feeling all the weight, and strain, And bulk of this- New world I’m staring into. A long road ahead Of healing, And reeling, And struggling To stand tall, And strong again. I feel like I’m fighting Against the wind. But I always fight To win. I’m weakened, And I’ve been Hit hard By chemo treatment. My daily struggles Are no secret. My dignity Has taken a big hit. And I’m right in The thick of it. Hair loss, weight gain, Stiff, painful muscles, Twitching, sensitive eyes, And Menopause – Overnight. Tissue expanders, And fluid retention. I’m down at the bottom Begging for redemption. Breast Cancer Is a disease and a terrible life infection A life changing direction, With deepened introspection Of who and what I am at my core Because everything That once was- Is nothing like It was – before. I must do Everything Within my power To find the rainbow After this storm. I must set my ego aside And find the light In my new life- My new norm. For there is beauty To be found In every life cycle And in every living form.
Unveiled My new set of eyes- My new perspective, Opened wide- On my own precious life. They cry more. They crave more. They hold more- Life inside the lens. They feel more. They’ve seen more. They know more- Truths that aren’t pretend. They radiate gratitude To their ultimate capacity. They overfill and spill-over One by one by one With pure love, And transparency. They see life’s flaws- And quickly dismiss them. They witness faults, And feel love, And forgiveness. For we are only human. They see love and kindness- And they light up, And sparkle with a brightness. They see pain, and age, And a weakened body Struggling to stand upright. But they offer grace In the face of defeat- Knowing this sight- Won’t be her last fight. They see a new fire And a fierceness Behind her tired gaze, And they raise it- For cancer Has seen its final day And there’s no time Left to be wasted. Get busy planting every seed And pray to watch it grow. And water your hopes Your dreams, Your family, and everything That matters to you so. This life goes by faster Than the blink of an eye. And my new eyes Are opened wide.
Colors and words sing and dance to the rhythm of my heart, my spirit, my being. They become the ultimate expression for my life journey, my perspective, and my feelings.
I create art and poetry from the purest part of who I am – at my core. In all the moments when I feel lost, alone, and afraid, I try to remind myself of who I was – before.
Before all of the hardships, life traumas, and loss. Before I grew up, and my childhood innocence was lost.
I’m still that little girl deep down inside, Staring at the world with wonder, and mesmerized eyes.
I still get excited about lightning and thunder, and rainbows after the rain. I still love to jump in puddles, stare up at the moon, and stars, and make snowmen on snow days.
I still love to lay down and stare up at the clouds in the sky, daydream about life, and what it would be like to fly.
I still get excited for fun in the sun, and playing in the warm water. I still feel so much love inside my heart just to be my parents’ daughter.
I still love to camp in the mountains, go for hikes, and make smores around the fire. I love to live, and I live to love, create art, write, teach, and inspire.
I love to give homemade gifts because those were my favorite to get growing up. I love to spend time around those dearest to my heart because memories fill up my cup.
I love to bake homemade cookies because my grandma’s were my favorite. I love westerns and football on Sundays because that’s what my early days were made of.
I love the smell of lilacs in spring, my grandpa’s garage where he worked, and my grandparents’ swimming pool chlorine. My joy and happiness in every memory will forever make my heart sing.
I love to remember all the ways I love and adore my life, And I’m still that little girl deep down inside- who can’t wait to go play outside.
The circle of life, the cycles of time. Sweet coincidences, synchronicities, and tender moments with loved ones by our side.
Beautiful memories that taste of love, and magic, and carry us for a lifetime.
New beginnings, and the excitement of new chapters, and adventures. New life entering this world with the promise of continuation, and elation, and getting to watch them grow. Loving, protecting, and encouraging them as they go. Our children bring the promise of light, and hope through life’s constant ebb and flow.
Life and loss throughout our time here- reminds us of life’s greatest treasures, and the value of all We hold dear. Our moments are a gift- priceless and tethered. Our loved ones who have gone on Live in our hearts, and throughout our time here forever. This life is precious, and perfectly imperfect throughout each, and every day. This world is incredible, awe-inspiring, and should be coveted, and protected in every way.
Take the time to take in- the sunsets, sunrises, snowy, and rainy days, clouds, and endless blue skies. The glow of the moon, and the milky way. The stars that twinkle and shine. The animals, mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and ocean tides. The flowers, the trees, the birds, and the bees. The forests, the beaches, the sand, and ocean breeze. The mountainous, the tropical, the frozen, the desert, and the plains. The earth in all it’s wonder, and majesty with every imaginable kind of terrain.
Take in the changing of the seasons, holidays, and celebrations of every type. Life is short, so be thoughtful, and do your best to always be kind. Live in the present, and love deeply. There is no redo or rewind. Be humble, and gracious. Forgive, and learn to let things go. Learn every lesson presented. You’re never too old to grow. Laugh loud, and laugh often. And humor your way through it. Life is good, bad, meh, and at times almost unbearable. That’s just the cold, hard truth of it. But the cycles of life are precious, and every experience worth it.
The circle of life, these cycles of time. I’m so very grateful, from the bottom of my heart, for every one of you. Thank you always, for being such a beautiful, and vibrant part of mine.
Breast Cancer I am 1 in 8. Blinded by the diagnosis, and still coming to terms with accepting this as my fate.
I could ask, “Why me?”, and go to a sad, dark place quite easily. But that is a question- that will never be answered. And staying there would rob me of my power- Indefinitely.
Instead- I choose positivity. I choose hope. I choose faith. I choose humor. I choose to find the things that make me feel happy, rather than focus only on all the difficulty. I choose gratitude. And I choose my attitude. Daily. And intentionally.
Breast Cancer treatment- is a BIG mountain to climb. A giant obstacle- directly in front of me. And I am facing it head on, and riding the waves of change, and the side effects of every treatment with as much grace as I can, to the best of my ability. Overcoming this- And sharing my story and my journey along the way- is part of my life destiny. And I believe that wholeheartedly.
Breast Cancer- Why me? I will never know the reason. And I will never ask. This is my life test, and I’ve been called to task. I am 1 in 8. And I will overcome. I will do my best to keep my chin up through this adversity, and my battle WILL be won.
Breast Cancer affects so many. It’s shocking when you’re in the thick of it. Giant hugs and honor to all who have been impacted – by this enormity. I stand among the countless women who have been down this road before me. And I look forward to standing with them at the finish line, as a survivor with a story.
This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗
Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!
God’s grace- is a glorious place. A prayerful, and meditative state- filled with peace, unconditional love, and safe keeping. Releasing, And unleashing me from all that burdens my weary, and tethered mind- to fearful, and unkind thoughts- that slowly rise up to the tip top. Becoming louder And more prominent, and dominant than my faith. I pause in reflection- And feel God beckon me back- to trust in Him completely. To not fear this road I see in front of me. But to believe in Him, And to seek the beauty, amongst the rubble He has lovingly bestowed upon me. I must always retrace my steps- back to the quiet, prayerful space- when I feel lost- And He will come to greet me, and I must lean in with everything I am- to learn every lesson He is teaching me. I feel renewed by the power of faith He has restored within me. He refuses to give up on me. God’s grace is everything. Even through all of these life trials, and tribulations- I am humbled and blessed by the outpouring of God’s greatest kindnesses, and I am wholeheartedly, and profoundly gracious. I will do my very best to remain steadfast, and courageous- in the face of- my greatest challenges. God’s grace- Is the most glorious, and peaceful place. Where my tears of gratitude stream freely. Where my heart is overcome by His eternal, and everlasting love for me. God’s grace never ceases- to amaze me. His amazing grace always finds me in the dark, and reaches out with his undying love- to once again save me…
I am so very grateful for this beautiful life. For the brilliant sunsets, and the early morning sunrise. For the epic Colorado blue skies, that transition poetically into night.
For the moon that glows, the twinkling stars that shine, and for the afterglow of the moon- burning brightly into our daytime…
For the storm clouds that rise to the heavens- or gently roll through. For the pitter-patter of rain when it drops- For all of our life memories, and my loving thoughts of you.
For the snow when it falls, and the intricate wonder of snow flakes. For snuggling next to you- when I’m cold. And waking beside you- when the light of the early morning day, breaks.
For the sweet morning bird songs, that sing of spring and rebirth. For your comforting hugs when the sting of this life- hurts worst.
For the soothing sound- of your deep voice that calms, and relaxes my worry. For the quiet moments spent with you. When life pauses, and we let go of the hurry.
For your tender, loving kisses, and I love you’s. For our barefoot, mountain wedding, our custom vows, and I do’s.
For paddleboarding side by side in the hot summer sun. For camping, hiking, night fires, and outdoor family fun.
For jogging alongside me with our littlest in tow. I love and adore every moment with you, and I love you more than you’ll ever know.
I am so very grateful- for this beautiful life. For all of our family and friends, our children, and for you- right by my side.
Today- I took a walk with God. I talked to God. I cried with God. I asked why, and what for and how come? with God. I pleaded with God. I prayed to God, and then I waited in silence – for God to answer me.
I waited patiently, and quietly. I breathed in deeply, and exhaled forcefully. The tears, and life’s let-downs poured right out of me. Some days are downright hard- mentally. They’re messy, and they catch me- off guard, and unprepared. But these days are there- to remind me again… that timing isn’t up to me. as to when- or how this life works out for me. So I breathe in deeply- Again. And I turn my faith right back to Him. This is God’s Plan. God’s got me. And I’m down on my knees waiting patiently. Faithfully. I’m praying silently. Believing, and trusting blindly… in His timing. In His glory. In this life story- that He’s lovingly laid out for me… This is my journey and there’s peace in knowing that ultimately- God’s got me… In ALL things. along every step of the way. Every minute of every day, God’s got me, and He loves me. This is God’s plan and He has answered me this.. I must put my full faith Into Jesus- Nothing less. Because- He knows best… Always.
Beautiful scars on both sides of my heart. Proof that I will do anything, and everything- to stay right where you are.
My family and friends are my world. These life moments are like gold. Removing my breast cancer is my act of intention towards my will for growing old.
A major life-changing, life-saving decision. A skin-sparing, double mastectomy. Letting go of all that is no longer best for me.
I haven’t lost anything! I’ve gained my life, and more minutes. I’m well on my way- to a cancer-free me. I am blessed. I am humble, and I am in this to win it.
Beautiful scars- on both sides of my heart, tell a bigger life story of survival, revival, God’s amazing grace, and His everlasting glory.
Life’s most precious moments- are fleeting. My heart is alive and well, and still beating.
I’ve been busy living every minute- to the fullest. In the quiet moments, I am grieving. But in the face of it all, I remain upright and stoic.
I may crumble in the dark- but God brings me right back to His light. I may get angry at the journey that lies in front of me. But God is holding my hand tight.
I didn’t ask for this, and I’d rather not have to do it. But God brought me to this- and He will bring me through it.
I choose to set my sights on every silver lining that lies before me. I choose faith over fear, and I hold onto hope with all the courage I have- even while I am mourning.
I believe wholeheartedly that our life journey is for a reason. We may not understand our hardships or life difficulties- but we must remain steadfast, trust in Him and keep believing.
I will give my all- to be a beacon of bright light for all who may go down a similar life journey. This isn’t me going into battle. This is me going through some tough-ass moments, letting go, big personal growth, and so much learning.
Cancer does not, and will not ever define me. I will rise and face the music directly in front of me, bask in God’s healing light, and breathe in peace, as I begin the painful process of leaving this cancer behind me.
There are painful, Angry moments. In the in-between. When I scream, shout And curse my way Through this grief… When I am weak. When I feel small. When I fall- All the way… Down.
Grace Only finds me Again…when- I am ready.
When I give in- And give it all Right back to Him. When I kneel down, And pray… God shines His everlasting light Down upon me. Radiating His love And blessings All around me. And it is then…when- I know and feel That everything Surrounding me, Dumbfounding me, And humbly Grounding me Will be okay…
But grace Doesn’t find me Every waking day.
It is up to me To go looking, Crawling, climbing Or falling… My way back To trusting in Him. Again, and again, And again.
I give my heart, My love, My faith, My trust, And my gratitude To Him.
Believing In His healing, And In His timing More than mine. And I will keep Fighting, Persevering And overcoming My plight. I have cancer- But that Doesn’t define My life.
Tree of life- Rooted, grounded, And founded On love. Built with our hopes, And dreams, And a future team of- Unified strength And rising above- The challenges, Battles and difficulties We’ll face. Together, we’re better For life’s uphill race.
Beautiful beginnings. A family- With children In the making. Each one precious, Each birth, breathtaking. In awe, overjoyed, And so overcome- By the miracle of life, The power of love. So much gratitude, And appreciation For our family who Surrounds us, Grounds us, And blankets us In their prayers. Together, with God, We will always Rise above Life’s many layers.
For seasons of change, They will come. And they will pass. A steady stream Of normalcy, And time racing by Too fast. Taking moments For granted. But knowing- Normal never lasts. Life can change, In the blink of an eye. Tell those you love- And that you Love them for life. Reach out and hug them. Hold onto them tight. Count your blessings When you’re with them, And be grateful- For every moment Of this magnificent life.
Generations of our ancestors, Rooted, grounded, And founded On an abundance of love. Our Tree of life. Our beautiful family. Eternally grateful to our Heavenly Father above.
A major life change- Unfolding swiftly Before me. Each day- A new wave, And an attempt At a brave face- With this tough, New reality. Breast Cancer, Has completely Dumbfounded me. It’s astounding- To me… Just how fast The Cancer Center Moves. With their patient’s care, There is no time to lose. Testing and directing you, Collecting results, Analyzing and presenting Everything They know. Offering their expertise, Comforting words, And best of all, HOPE. The cancer- Must be removed, And the time Is coming now. And my job As a patient Is to prepare myself… And I will- SOMEHOW. A mind-numbing Place in time, And so surreal. Some moments feel Much more- Like a dream, And —- it seems Almost impossible To swallow Or even digest A mere fraction of this- The magnitude Of all that is- Happening So fast. I’m tapping Into my inner Strength and courage, Hope and faith, My sacred space. But I do not And will not Feel sorry for me- Only uncertainty For all that is coming, And all that will be. For whatever reason, THIS— Is part of My life journey. A new chapter Of learning- Healing, And letting go, Overcoming, And BIG growth For me- Spiritually. Putting my full faith Into God- To carry me When I am tired, And weary. I feel in my heart Of hearts, That all will be okay… But I worry- Most about My beautiful family. And how THEY Are going to cope, And manage Around me. I MUST AND I WILL Get through this! For this— Is just a BIG bump In the road. This cancer- May be as fierce as a tiger, But I — I AM a fiercer fighter. And with the heart of a lion, I will prove That I am MIGHTIER!
Occupying my free time to avoid thinking too much about pending biopsy results. Painting made the waiting pass a little more easily and less frantically.
Breast Cancer Wasn’t the The answer I ever wanted to hear…
It hit me hard- Then fear Sank deep- Within my heart. The world paused- And Everything Around me- Faded out. I was suddenly, And completely Unaware of my Surroundings- As I momentarily, And mentally Checked out.
I felt numb. SO NUMB. Everything a blur. I went inward- To a quiet place As I soaked in Every word, And understood As much as I could- About this New and foreign Space. My heart raced.
Both Invasive And non-invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Tiny, but Potentially significant Calcifications Are present around This small mass- Alas- You’ll need an MRI Followed by- Meeting your Oncology team at MD Anderson Cancer Center Are you familiar?
Jeneane, Your nurse Navigator, Will be calling…
My heart- Continued falling. The ground Slowly crumbling Beneath my feet. As I was trying To wrap my head Around every Foreign word Just spoken to me.
I feel deeply Anxious about This whirlwind Of news… This flood Of sudden, But absolutely Necessary Slew- of Doctor’s Appointments Leading up to- Surgery, Recovery, The possibility Of A lumpectomy, Mastectomy? Reconstruction, Genetics testing Radiation Or hormonal Treatment therapy. The thought of Future cancer rediscovery? My mind Was racing Ahead of me- Why is all of this happening?
Breathe. Just breathe.
Cancer will not Get the best of me! This is just another Difficult life test for me. And I am ready… At least, I’m trying really hard- To be. Knowing Deep within my heart- God’s got me. No matter what. In my weakest moments, His grace and light Will carry me, And I will fight With every Ounce of life in me.
I am grounded. Re-grounded. I am humbled. Re-humbled. I am grateful. Newly grateful, For every blessing I have taken for granted. I am blessed. So very blessed. With the best- Friends and family And support I feel All around me.
My happily ever after Isn’t the perfect body, The perfect house, Or the perfect life. It’s love and laughter. It’s God’s light. It’s family and friends, And moments together No matter the weather. It’s overcoming, And conquering Every life obstacle, And beating CANCER. It’s living a long And happy life In remission- AFTER.
Beauty exists In the everyday Mundane. Happiness exists In life’s littlest And simplest of things.
I am deeply grateful For this life. And I am scared. Please lift me up In your prayers. I can do this. I will get through this.
(Please ladies, go get your mammogram! This happened within 1-1/2 years since my last. I didn’t feel a lump. The doctor’s assistant didn’t feel a lump. I requested a mammogram. That mammogram showed a tiny mass – the size of a pencil eraser. That find led to a 3D scan and an ultrasound. I was given the option of waiting and rechecking in 6 months time or a breast biopsy to find out in a few days time. I chose the biopsy and my cancer was detected, thank God! It is scary, but so necessary. Please don’t hesitate. Advocate for yourself and your body. Trust your gut and don’t ever question it.)
Life’s precious moments Are fleeting- Your tiny feet Pitter-pattering While squealing, Scurrying And running All throughout Our tiny house…
Be still, my heart.
Your giggles And wiggles One-liners, Two-worders, Three-worders, And more. Your sentences And sassiness, With occasional Meowing And barking On all fours.
Your grumbles And mumbles Growls and sighs.
Your tiny little voice, And adorable pouting face With half-closed eyes.
Your deep voice – singing, And ukulele strumming- While leaning into your mic.
Your drumsticks- In the form of Two chopsticks, Banging and clanging On everything in sight.
Pwaying bwocks , Watching Grizzy Or Gabby, And going outside.
Pretend cooking- Making coffee and cake In your mini kitchen Not far from mine.
Snuggling And cuddling. Breakfast, cartoons, And morning bath time.
These precious Life moments- Are God’s greatest gifts To be cherished for A lifetime!
I’m grateful For every Single moment I get to spend Right by your side.
Be still, my heart!
I love you forever And always! I love you forever In ALL ways!
I Run for Sanity, Not Vanity – and in loving honor of our loved ones!
Growing up, I hated running – with a passion! Running around as a child always ended in wheezing and the need for my emergency inhaler in order to breathe normal again. Allergy and exercise induced asthma. No fun for anyone, but I felt lucky to have medicine to help me breathe when I couldn’t and panicky when an attack would come on and my inhaler wasn’t by my side.
Fast forward to age 36 and the year 2012. Married to my best friend and 2 kids under our belt! Our daughter, age 7 and son, age 4. August 9th of 2012 was our 19 week ultrasound to find out the gender of our 3rd surprise pregnancy. A difficult pregnancy from the start. We went as a family to our 19 week gender ultrasound ecstatic to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Instead, we learned our baby no longer had a heartbeat. There are no words for the heartache and emptiness that followed. I delivered our son, Dason, born sleeping on August 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm.
I felt completely and utterly shattered. I felt like a failure. My body failed to keep him alive. A week later I was told by my midwife at my post birth follow up appointment (at the same place I learned of our baby’s passing) – that my blood pressure was still too high. She went on to say that because of this, I would most likely have high blood pressure issues for the rest of my life. And the best way to get over a loss is to have another baby. Those words still burn me deeply inside. They felt cold and heartless and without much compassion for the pain that had torn my heart completely in two.
Her words ate me alive —- but she doesn’t define what my future holds for me —- and I was now on a mission to prove her wrong. Her biting words lit a fire inside me that still burns with drive inside me to this very day.
At 6 weeks post birth, I was cleared for exercise and I immediately jumped in with both feet and joined a boot camp with my friends to begin strength training. I needed to take back control of my life. These same ladies began inviting me to the track afterwards to “run”. I thought they were absolutely crazy for wanting to do this, but the exercise was helping me battle my postpartum depression, so I relented and tagged along. Their fantastic company is the only thing that kept me going to that track. This is how running found me at age 36. Or jog/walking rather. Let’s be honest.
Running found me at one of the hardest times in my life and after about 6-8 weeks of jog/walking, I accidentally and unintentionally fell head over heals in love with running! Jogging and still being able to breathe was something I had never known before. It felt like some kind of super power that I had somehow and miraculously unleashed! It was pure adrenaline!!! How does the saying go??….Never say never!
Running became my time to cry, my time to pray and my time to be with my unborn son in spirit. And boy did I feel his spirit all around me along with God … each day carrying me through the flames to a brighter and healthier life, one step at a time. Running made me a better mom. It helped me to battle my depression, my anxiety and my stress. Running became everything I needed to get me through life and the very last thing in this world I ever expected to love. I ran for sanity, not vanity and in honor of our son. When I ran, my heart beat for him.
Today, I run for all of my loved ones who are heaven sent and for all those I love who remain here. My loved ones are the wings that continue giving flight to my life carrying me onward, upward and through it.
I run for sanity, not vanity. I run with purpose and intention. And I run for my mental health most of all. Running makes me feel alive and balanced and grateful for this life. I started running at 36, and at 45, I can honestly say that running is one of the very best things that has ever happened to me. My unborn son’s life and death awakened me and I share my story for anyone else it might help along the way. We weren’t meant to journey alone.
Tomorrow, Sunday, September 19, 2021, my husband and I will be running the Fall Equinox Half Marathon down Poudre Canyon wearing these shirts proudly. Thinking of and running with our loved ones in spirit for 13.1 beautiful miles. I’m nervous, excited and grateful to have another chance to conquer this run (or at least survive it) … because we still can. Our hearts will beat for them! Wish us luck!!! 💜🙏🏼💜🏃♀️
TANiELLE ART 