life poetry – dreamer | artist | painter

Transformation

I’m searching
High and low-
For the rainbow
In my new normal.
Crying, praying,
Pondering,
And wavering
Between hope
And hopeless.
Between faith
And why this?
Feeling all the
weight, and strain,
And bulk of this-
New world
I’m staring into.
A long road ahead
Of healing,
And reeling,
And struggling
To stand tall,
And strong again.
I feel like I’m fighting
Against the wind.
But I always fight
To win.
I’m weakened,
And I’ve been
Hit hard
By chemo treatment.
My daily struggles
Are no secret.
My dignity
Has taken a big hit.
And I’m right in
The thick of it.
Hair loss, weight gain,
Stiff, painful muscles,
Twitching, sensitive eyes,
And Menopause –
Overnight.
Tissue expanders,
And fluid retention.
I’m down at the bottom
Begging for redemption.
Breast Cancer
Is a disease
and a terrible life infection
A life changing direction,
With deepened introspection
Of who and what
I am at my core
Because everything
That once was-
Is nothing like
It was – before.
I must do
Everything
Within my power
To find the rainbow
After this storm.
I must set my ego aside
And find the light
In my new life-
My new norm.
For there is beauty
To be found
In every life cycle
And in every living form.

-Tanielle 6.20.22

I’m Still That Little Girl

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Colors and words sing and dance
to the rhythm of my heart, my spirit, my being.
They become the ultimate expression
for my life journey, my perspective, and my feelings.

I create art and poetry from the purest part
of who I am – at my core.
In all the moments when I feel lost, alone, and afraid,
I try to remind myself of who I was – before.

Before all of the hardships,
life traumas, and loss.
Before I grew up,
and my childhood innocence was lost.

I’m still that little girl
deep down inside,
Staring at the world
with wonder,
and mesmerized eyes.

I still get excited about
lightning and thunder,
and rainbows after the rain.
I still love to jump in puddles,
stare up at the moon, and stars,
and make snowmen on snow days.

I still love to lay down
and stare up at the clouds in the sky,
daydream about life,
and what it would be like to fly.

I still get excited for fun in the sun,
and playing in the warm water.
I still feel so much love inside my heart
just to be my parents’ daughter.

I still love to camp in the mountains,
go for hikes, and make smores around the fire.
I love to live, and I live to love,
create art, write, teach, and inspire.

I love to give homemade gifts
because those were my favorite to get growing up.
I love to spend time around those dearest to my heart
because memories fill up my cup.

I love to bake homemade cookies
because my grandma’s were my favorite.
I love westerns and football on Sundays
because that’s what my early days were made of.

I love the smell of lilacs in spring,
my grandpa’s garage where he worked,
and my grandparents’ swimming pool chlorine.
My joy and happiness in every memory
will forever make my heart sing.

I love to remember all the ways
I love and adore my life,
And I’m still that little girl
deep down inside-
who can’t wait to go play outside.

-Tanielle Childers © 5.1.22

SOME DAYS

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Some days-
You feel tired
Of fighting,
Tired of hiding
The heartache
Behind your smile.

Some days
You feel like crying
Instead of siding
With positivity,
Even if only
For just a little while.

Some days
No matter
How deep you dig,
Happiness,
Hope, and sunshine
Are difficult to feel.

Some days
It’s okay
To let down and let go,
And to not feel okay,
And just get rest
So you can heal.

Some days
Are not fun days,
Or hit-the-ground-running’ days
Or give-it-your-all days
And it’s okay
Not to be that way every day.

Some days
You just need
To give yourself grace,
And walk away
from the rat race.
It’s okay to take a break.

Some days
Are mental health days
That require
Other ways of dealing-
With a lot less people pleasing
And that’s okay, too.

Some days
There are better ways
Of living, and being,
And giving-
Even when that means
Giving more time for you.

After all,
We’re all just humans-
Being.
And it’s okay to just be human
And nothing more-
Some days.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.26.22

How Great Is Our God

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗

Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!

God’s grace-
is a glorious place.
A prayerful,
and meditative state-
filled with peace,
unconditional love,
and safe keeping.
Releasing,
And unleashing me
from all that burdens
my weary,
and tethered mind-
to fearful,
and unkind thoughts-
that slowly rise up
to the tip top.
Becoming louder
And more prominent,
and dominant
than my faith.
I pause in reflection-
And feel God beckon
me back-
to trust in Him
completely.
To not fear this road
I see in front of me.
But to believe in Him,
And to seek the beauty,
amongst the rubble
He has lovingly
bestowed upon me.
I must always retrace
my steps-
back to the quiet,
prayerful space-
when I feel lost-
And He will come
to greet me,
and I must lean in
with everything I am-
to learn every lesson
He is teaching me.
I feel renewed
by the power of faith
He has restored within me.
He refuses
to give up on me.
God’s grace
is everything.
Even through
all of these life trials,
and tribulations-
I am humbled and blessed
by the outpouring
of God’s greatest kindnesses,
and I am wholeheartedly,
and profoundly gracious.
I will do my very best
to remain steadfast,
and courageous-
in the face of-
my greatest challenges.
God’s grace-
Is the most glorious,
and peaceful place.
Where my tears
of gratitude
stream freely.
Where my heart
is overcome
by His eternal,
and everlasting
love for me.
God’s grace
never ceases-
to amaze me.
His amazing grace
always finds me
in the dark,
and reaches out
with his undying love-
to once again save me…

How great is our God!

Grab Hold –

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

As much as we’d like-
to think we control
our future and our fate…

We don’t decide
when or how we will go,
much less, our final date.

I have become
very hyper-aware
of the moments-
and all I’ve been given.

One silver lining
to cancer, I suppose-
is I’ve realized
I’d better get to livin’!

Life isn’t perfect,
nor every day sweet.
But each waking moment
is a gift, and a blessing.

Soak up the minutes,
love hard, and be present.
Hold onto faith through the good,
the bad and the messy.

Have patience,
be kind, and accountable,
Treat your neighbors
as you would yourself.

Live now, live bold,
and laugh often.
And never put your dreams
up on that shelf.

Follow your heart,
don’t give up,
and keep going.
Money doesn’t equal success.

Chase your dreams,
inspire, and encourage.
Lift others up,
and give them your best.

Fill up your heart,
and it will fuel your spirit.
Live in joy,
And share your gift.

Time is precious,
and priceless, and finite.
Grab hold-
this life goes quick!