Breast Cancer

Occupying my free time to avoid thinking too much about pending biopsy results. Painting made the waiting pass a little more easily and less frantically.

Breast Cancer
Wasn’t the
The answer
I ever wanted to hear…

It hit me hard-
Then fear
Sank deep-
Within my heart.
The world paused-
And Everything
Around me-
Faded out.
I was suddenly,
And completely
Unaware of my
Surroundings-
As I momentarily,
And mentally
Checked out.

I felt numb.
SO NUMB.
Everything a blur.
I went inward-
To a quiet place
As I soaked in
Every word,
And understood
As much as I could-
About this
New and foreign
Space.
My heart raced.

Both Invasive
And non-invasive
Ductal Carcinoma.
Tiny, but
Potentially significant
Calcifications
Are present around
This small mass-
Alas-
You’ll need an MRI
Followed by-
Meeting your
Oncology team
at MD Anderson
Cancer Center
Are you familiar?

Jeneane,
Your nurse
Navigator,
Will be calling…

My heart-
Continued falling.
The ground
Slowly crumbling
Beneath my feet.
As I was trying
To wrap my head
Around every
Foreign word
Just spoken to me.

I feel deeply
Anxious about
This whirlwind
Of news…
This flood
Of sudden,
But absolutely
Necessary
Slew-
of Doctor’s
Appointments
Leading up to-
Surgery,
Recovery,
The possibility
Of
A lumpectomy,
Mastectomy?
Reconstruction,
Genetics testing
Radiation
Or hormonal
Treatment therapy.
The thought of
Future cancer
rediscovery?
My mind
Was racing
Ahead of me-
Why is all of this
happening?

Breathe.
Just breathe.

Cancer will not
Get the best of me!
This is just another
Difficult life test for me.
And I am ready…
At least,
I’m trying really hard-
To be.
Knowing
Deep within my heart-
God’s got me.
No matter what.
In my weakest moments,
His grace and light
Will carry me,
And I will fight
With every
Ounce of life in me.

I am grounded.
Re-grounded.
I am humbled.
Re-humbled.
I am grateful.
Newly grateful,
For every blessing
I have taken for granted.
I am blessed.
So very blessed.
With the best-
Friends and family
And support I feel
All around me.

My happily ever after
Isn’t the perfect body,
The perfect house,
Or the perfect life.
It’s love and laughter.
It’s God’s light.
It’s family and friends,
And moments together
No matter the weather.
It’s overcoming,
And conquering
Every life obstacle,
And beating CANCER.
It’s living a long
And happy life
In remission-
AFTER.

Beauty exists
In the everyday
Mundane.
Happiness exists
In life’s littlest
And simplest of things.

I am deeply grateful
For this life.
And I am scared.
Please lift me up
In your prayers.
I can do this.
I will get through this.

-Tanielle Childers©️ 2021
(diagnosed Dec. 21, 2021)

(Please ladies, go get your mammogram! This happened within 1-1/2 years since my last. I didn’t feel a lump. The doctor’s assistant didn’t feel a lump. I requested a mammogram. That mammogram showed a tiny mass – the size of a pencil eraser. That find led to a 3D scan and an ultrasound. I was given the option of waiting and rechecking in 6 months time or a breast biopsy to find out in a few days time. I chose the biopsy and my cancer was detected, thank God! It is scary, but so necessary. Please don’t hesitate. Advocate for yourself and your body. Trust your gut and don’t ever question it.)

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