I’m searching High and low- For the rainbow In my new normal. Crying, praying, Pondering, And wavering Between hope And hopeless. Between faith And why this? Feeling all the weight, and strain, And bulk of this- New world I’m staring into. A long road ahead Of healing, And reeling, And struggling To stand tall, And strong again. I feel like I’m fighting Against the wind. But I always fight To win. I’m weakened, And I’ve been Hit hard By chemo treatment. My daily struggles Are no secret. My dignity Has taken a big hit. And I’m right in The thick of it. Hair loss, weight gain, Stiff, painful muscles, Twitching, sensitive eyes, And Menopause – Overnight. Tissue expanders, And fluid retention. I’m down at the bottom Begging for redemption. Breast Cancer Is a disease and a terrible life infection A life changing direction, With deepened introspection Of who and what I am at my core Because everything That once was- Is nothing like It was – before. I must do Everything Within my power To find the rainbow After this storm. I must set my ego aside And find the light In my new life- My new norm. For there is beauty To be found In every life cycle And in every living form.
Breast Cancer I am 1 in 8. Blinded by the diagnosis, and still coming to terms with accepting this as my fate.
I could ask, “Why me?”, and go to a sad, dark place quite easily. But that is a question- that will never be answered. And staying there would rob me of my power- Indefinitely.
Instead- I choose positivity. I choose hope. I choose faith. I choose humor. I choose to find the things that make me feel happy, rather than focus only on all the difficulty. I choose gratitude. And I choose my attitude. Daily. And intentionally.
Breast Cancer treatment- is a BIG mountain to climb. A giant obstacle- directly in front of me. And I am facing it head on, and riding the waves of change, and the side effects of every treatment with as much grace as I can, to the best of my ability. Overcoming this- And sharing my story and my journey along the way- is part of my life destiny. And I believe that wholeheartedly.
Breast Cancer- Why me? I will never know the reason. And I will never ask. This is my life test, and I’ve been called to task. I am 1 in 8. And I will overcome. I will do my best to keep my chin up through this adversity, and my battle WILL be won.
Breast Cancer affects so many. It’s shocking when you’re in the thick of it. Giant hugs and honor to all who have been impacted – by this enormity. I stand among the countless women who have been down this road before me. And I look forward to standing with them at the finish line, as a survivor with a story.
Today- I took a walk with God. I talked to God. I cried with God. I asked why, and what for and how come? with God. I pleaded with God. I prayed to God, and then I waited in silence – for God to answer me.
I waited patiently, and quietly. I breathed in deeply, and exhaled forcefully. The tears, and life’s let-downs poured right out of me. Some days are downright hard- mentally. They’re messy, and they catch me- off guard, and unprepared. But these days are there- to remind me again… that timing isn’t up to me. as to when- or how this life works out for me. So I breathe in deeply- Again. And I turn my faith right back to Him. This is God’s Plan. God’s got me. And I’m down on my knees waiting patiently. Faithfully. I’m praying silently. Believing, and trusting blindly… in His timing. In His glory. In this life story- that He’s lovingly laid out for me… This is my journey and there’s peace in knowing that ultimately- God’s got me… In ALL things. along every step of the way. Every minute of every day, God’s got me, and He loves me. This is God’s plan and He has answered me this.. I must put my full faith Into Jesus- Nothing less. Because- He knows best… Always.
Beautiful scars on both sides of my heart. Proof that I will do anything, and everything- to stay right where you are.
My family and friends are my world. These life moments are like gold. Removing my breast cancer is my act of intention towards my will for growing old.
A major life-changing, life-saving decision. A skin-sparing, double mastectomy. Letting go of all that is no longer best for me.
I haven’t lost anything! I’ve gained my life, and more minutes. I’m well on my way- to a cancer-free me. I am blessed. I am humble, and I am in this to win it.
Beautiful scars- on both sides of my heart, tell a bigger life story of survival, revival, God’s amazing grace, and His everlasting glory.
Life’s most precious moments- are fleeting. My heart is alive and well, and still beating.
I’ve been busy living every minute- to the fullest. In the quiet moments, I am grieving. But in the face of it all, I remain upright and stoic.
I may crumble in the dark- but God brings me right back to His light. I may get angry at the journey that lies in front of me. But God is holding my hand tight.
I didn’t ask for this, and I’d rather not have to do it. But God brought me to this- and He will bring me through it.
I choose to set my sights on every silver lining that lies before me. I choose faith over fear, and I hold onto hope with all the courage I have- even while I am mourning.
I believe wholeheartedly that our life journey is for a reason. We may not understand our hardships or life difficulties- but we must remain steadfast, trust in Him and keep believing.
I will give my all- to be a beacon of bright light for all who may go down a similar life journey. This isn’t me going into battle. This is me going through some tough-ass moments, letting go, big personal growth, and so much learning.
Cancer does not, and will not ever define me. I will rise and face the music directly in front of me, bask in God’s healing light, and breathe in peace, as I begin the painful process of leaving this cancer behind me.
A major life change- Unfolding swiftly Before me. Each day- A new wave, And an attempt At a brave face- With this tough, New reality. Breast Cancer, Has completely Dumbfounded me. It’s astounding- To me… Just how fast The Cancer Center Moves. With their patient’s care, There is no time to lose. Testing and directing you, Collecting results, Analyzing and presenting Everything They know. Offering their expertise, Comforting words, And best of all, HOPE. The cancer- Must be removed, And the time Is coming now. And my job As a patient Is to prepare myself… And I will- SOMEHOW. A mind-numbing Place in time, And so surreal. Some moments feel Much more- Like a dream, And —- it seems Almost impossible To swallow Or even digest A mere fraction of this- The magnitude Of all that is- Happening So fast. I’m tapping Into my inner Strength and courage, Hope and faith, My sacred space. But I do not And will not Feel sorry for me- Only uncertainty For all that is coming, And all that will be. For whatever reason, THIS— Is part of My life journey. A new chapter Of learning- Healing, And letting go, Overcoming, And BIG growth For me- Spiritually. Putting my full faith Into God- To carry me When I am tired, And weary. I feel in my heart Of hearts, That all will be okay… But I worry- Most about My beautiful family. And how THEY Are going to cope, And manage Around me. I MUST AND I WILL Get through this! For this— Is just a BIG bump In the road. This cancer- May be as fierce as a tiger, But I — I AM a fiercer fighter. And with the heart of a lion, I will prove That I am MIGHTIER!
Occupying my free time to avoid thinking too much about pending biopsy results. Painting made the waiting pass a little more easily and less frantically.
Breast Cancer Wasn’t the The answer I ever wanted to hear…
It hit me hard- Then fear Sank deep- Within my heart. The world paused- And Everything Around me- Faded out. I was suddenly, And completely Unaware of my Surroundings- As I momentarily, And mentally Checked out.
I felt numb. SO NUMB. Everything a blur. I went inward- To a quiet place As I soaked in Every word, And understood As much as I could- About this New and foreign Space. My heart raced.
Both Invasive And non-invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Tiny, but Potentially significant Calcifications Are present around This small mass- Alas- You’ll need an MRI Followed by- Meeting your Oncology team at MD Anderson Cancer Center Are you familiar?
Jeneane, Your nurse Navigator, Will be calling…
My heart- Continued falling. The ground Slowly crumbling Beneath my feet. As I was trying To wrap my head Around every Foreign word Just spoken to me.
I feel deeply Anxious about This whirlwind Of news… This flood Of sudden, But absolutely Necessary Slew- of Doctor’s Appointments Leading up to- Surgery, Recovery, The possibility Of A lumpectomy, Mastectomy? Reconstruction, Genetics testing Radiation Or hormonal Treatment therapy. The thought of Future cancer rediscovery? My mind Was racing Ahead of me- Why is all of this happening?
Breathe. Just breathe.
Cancer will not Get the best of me! This is just another Difficult life test for me. And I am ready… At least, I’m trying really hard- To be. Knowing Deep within my heart- God’s got me. No matter what. In my weakest moments, His grace and light Will carry me, And I will fight With every Ounce of life in me.
I am grounded. Re-grounded. I am humbled. Re-humbled. I am grateful. Newly grateful, For every blessing I have taken for granted. I am blessed. So very blessed. With the best- Friends and family And support I feel All around me.
My happily ever after Isn’t the perfect body, The perfect house, Or the perfect life. It’s love and laughter. It’s God’s light. It’s family and friends, And moments together No matter the weather. It’s overcoming, And conquering Every life obstacle, And beating CANCER. It’s living a long And happy life In remission- AFTER.
Beauty exists In the everyday Mundane. Happiness exists In life’s littlest And simplest of things.
I am deeply grateful For this life. And I am scared. Please lift me up In your prayers. I can do this. I will get through this.
(Please ladies, go get your mammogram! This happened within 1-1/2 years since my last. I didn’t feel a lump. The doctor’s assistant didn’t feel a lump. I requested a mammogram. That mammogram showed a tiny mass – the size of a pencil eraser. That find led to a 3D scan and an ultrasound. I was given the option of waiting and rechecking in 6 months time or a breast biopsy to find out in a few days time. I chose the biopsy and my cancer was detected, thank God! It is scary, but so necessary. Please don’t hesitate. Advocate for yourself and your body. Trust your gut and don’t ever question it.)
dreamer | artist | painter | poet 