life – dreamer | artist | painter

Transformation

I’m searching
High and low-
For the rainbow
In my new normal.
Crying, praying,
Pondering,
And wavering
Between hope
And hopeless.
Between faith
And why this?
Feeling all the
weight, and strain,
And bulk of this-
New world
I’m staring into.
A long road ahead
Of healing,
And reeling,
And struggling
To stand tall,
And strong again.
I feel like I’m fighting
Against the wind.
But I always fight
To win.
I’m weakened,
And I’ve been
Hit hard
By chemo treatment.
My daily struggles
Are no secret.
My dignity
Has taken a big hit.
And I’m right in
The thick of it.
Hair loss, weight gain,
Stiff, painful muscles,
Twitching, sensitive eyes,
And Menopause –
Overnight.
Tissue expanders,
And fluid retention.
I’m down at the bottom
Begging for redemption.
Breast Cancer
Is a disease
and a terrible life infection
A life changing direction,
With deepened introspection
Of who and what
I am at my core
Because everything
That once was-
Is nothing like
It was – before.
I must do
Everything
Within my power
To find the rainbow
After this storm.
I must set my ego aside
And find the light
In my new life-
My new norm.
For there is beauty
To be found
In every life cycle
And in every living form.

-Tanielle 6.20.22

The Circle of Life

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

The circle of life,
the cycles of time.
Sweet coincidences,
synchronicities,
and tender moments
with our loved ones
by our side.

Beautiful memories
that taste of love, and magic,
and carry us for a lifetime.

New beginnings,
and the excitement of new
chapters, and adventures.
New life entering this world
with the promise of
continuation, and elation,
and getting
to watch them grow.
Loving, protecting, and
encouraging them as they go.
Our children bring the promise
of light, and hope through
life’s constant ebb and flow.

Life and loss
throughout our time here-
reminds us of life’s
greatest treasures,
and the value of all
that we hold dear.
Our moments are a gift-
priceless and tethered.
Our loved ones
who have gone on
Live in our hearts,
and throughout
our time here forever.
This life is precious,
and perfectly imperfect
throughout each, and every day.
This world is incredible,
awe-inspiring,
and should be coveted,
and protected in every way.

Take the time to take in-
the sunsets, sunrises,
snowy, and rainy days,
clouds, and endless blue skies.
The glow of the moon,
and the milky way.
The stars that twinkle and shine.
The animals, mountains, lakes,
rivers, streams, and ocean tides.
The flowers, the trees,
the birds, and the bees.
The forests, the beaches,
the sand, and the breeze.
The mountainous, the tropical,
the frozen, the desert,
and the plains.
The earth in all it’s wonder,
and majesty with every
imaginable type of terrain.

Take in the
changing of the seasons,
holidays, and celebrations
of every type.
Life is short, so be thoughtful,
and always be kind.
Live now, and love deeply.
There is no redo or rewind.
Be humble, and gracious.
Forgive, and let go.
Learn every lesson presented.
You’re never too old to grow.
Laugh loud, and laugh often.
And humor your way through it.
Life is good, bad,
and at times unbearable.
That’s just the cold,
hard truth of it.
But the cycles of life
are precious, and breathtaking,
and 1000 percent worth it.

The circle of life,
the cycles of time.
I’m so very grateful,
from the bottom of my heart,
for each one of you.
Thank you for being
such a beautiful,
and bright part of mine.

-Tanielle Childers © 4.27.22

SOME DAYS

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Some days-
You feel tired
Of fighting,
Tired of hiding
The heartache
Behind your smile.

Some days
You feel like crying
Instead of siding
With positivity,
Even if only
For just a little while.

Some days
No matter
How deep you dig,
Happiness,
Hope, and sunshine
Are difficult to feel.

Some days
It’s okay
To let down and let go,
And to not feel okay,
And just get rest
So you can heal.

Some days
Are not fun days,
Or hit-the-ground-running’ days
Or give-it-your-all days
And it’s okay
Not to be that way every day.

Some days
You just need
To give yourself grace,
And walk away
from the rat race.
It’s okay to take a break.

Some days
Are mental health days
That require
Other ways of dealing-
With a lot less people pleasing
And that’s okay, too.

Some days
There are better ways
Of living, and being,
And giving-
Even when that means
Giving more time for you.

After all,
We’re all just humans-
Being.
And it’s okay to just be human
And nothing more-
Some days.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.26.22

I Am 1 in 8

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

Breast Cancer
I am 1 in 8.
Blinded by the diagnosis,
and still coming to terms
with accepting this
as my fate.

I could ask, “Why me?”,
and go to a sad,
dark place quite easily.
But that is a question-
that will never
be answered.
And staying there
would rob me
of my power-
Indefinitely.

Instead-
I choose positivity.
I choose hope.
I choose faith.
I choose humor.
I choose to find the things
that make me feel happy,
rather than focus only
on all the difficulty.
I choose gratitude.
And I choose my attitude.
Daily. And intentionally.

Breast Cancer treatment-
is a BIG mountain to climb.
A giant obstacle-
directly in front of me.
And I am facing it head on,
and riding the waves of change,
and the side effects
of every treatment
with as much grace
as I can, to the best
of my ability.
Overcoming this-
And sharing my story
and my journey
along the way-
is part of my life destiny.
And I believe that
wholeheartedly.

Breast Cancer-
Why me?
I will never know
the reason.
And I will never ask.
This is my life test,
and I’ve been
called to task.
I am 1 in 8.
And I will overcome.
I will do my best
to keep my chin up
through this adversity,
and my battle
WILL be won.

Breast Cancer
affects so many.
It’s shocking
when you’re
in the thick of it.
Giant hugs and honor
to all who have been
impacted –
by this enormity.
I stand among the
countless women
who have been down
this road before me.
And I look forward
to standing with them
at the finish line,
as a survivor
with a story.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.21.22

How Great Is Our God

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗

Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!

God’s grace-
is a glorious place.
A prayerful,
and meditative state-
filled with peace,
unconditional love,
and safe keeping.
Releasing,
And unleashing me
from all that burdens
my weary,
and tethered mind-
to fearful,
and unkind thoughts-
that slowly rise up
to the tip top.
Becoming louder
And more prominent,
and dominant
than my faith.
I pause in reflection-
And feel God beckon
me back-
to trust in Him
completely.
To not fear this road
I see in front of me.
But to believe in Him,
And to seek the beauty,
amongst the rubble
He has lovingly
bestowed upon me.
I must always retrace
my steps-
back to the quiet,
prayerful space-
when I feel lost-
And He will come
to greet me,
and I must lean in
with everything I am-
to learn every lesson
He is teaching me.
I feel renewed
by the power of faith
He has restored within me.
He refuses
to give up on me.
God’s grace
is everything.
Even through
all of these life trials,
and tribulations-
I am humbled and blessed
by the outpouring
of God’s greatest kindnesses,
and I am wholeheartedly,
and profoundly gracious.
I will do my very best
to remain steadfast,
and courageous-
in the face of-
my greatest challenges.
God’s grace-
Is the most glorious,
and peaceful place.
Where my tears
of gratitude
stream freely.
Where my heart
is overcome
by His eternal,
and everlasting
love for me.
God’s grace
never ceases-
to amaze me.
His amazing grace
always finds me
in the dark,
and reaches out
with his undying love-
to once again save me…

How great is our God!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.21.22

Beautiful Life

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

I am so very grateful
for this beautiful life.
For the brilliant sunsets,
and the early morning sunrise.
For the epic Colorado blue skies,
that transition poetically into night.

For the moon that glows,
the twinkling stars that shine,
and for the afterglow of the moon-
burning brightly into our daytime…

For the storm clouds that rise
to the heavens-
or gently roll through.
For the pitter-patter of rain when it drops-
For all of our life memories,
and my loving thoughts of you.

For the snow when it falls,
and the intricate wonder
of snow flakes.
For snuggling next to you-
when I’m cold.
And waking beside you-
when the light
of the early morning day, breaks.

For the sweet morning bird songs,
that sing of spring and rebirth.
For your comforting hugs
when the sting of this life-
hurts worst.

For the soothing sound-
of your deep voice
that calms, and relaxes my worry.
For the quiet moments spent with you.
When life pauses,
and we let go of the hurry.

For your tender, loving kisses,
and I love you’s.
For our barefoot, mountain wedding,
our custom vows, and I do’s.

For paddleboarding side by side
in the hot summer sun.
For camping, hiking,
night fires, and outdoor family fun.

For jogging alongside me
with our littlest in tow.
I love and adore
every moment with you,
and I love you more
than you’ll ever know.

I am so very grateful-
for this beautiful life.
For all of our family and friends,
our children, and for you-
right by my side.

I love you forever.
I love you for life.

Have Faith

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

HAVE FAITH

Today-
I took a walk with God.
I talked to God.
I cried with God.
I asked why, and what for
and how come? with God.
I pleaded with God.
I prayed to God,
and then I waited
in silence – for God
to answer me.

I waited patiently,
and quietly.
I breathed in deeply,
and exhaled forcefully.
The tears,
and life’s let-downs
poured right out
of me.
Some days
are downright hard-
mentally.
They’re messy,
and they catch me-
off guard,
and unprepared.
But these days are there-
to remind me again…
that timing
isn’t up to me.
as to when-
or how this life
works out for me.
So I breathe in deeply-
Again.
And I turn my faith
right back to Him.
This is God’s Plan.
God’s got me.
And I’m down on my knees
waiting patiently.
Faithfully.
I’m praying silently.
Believing, and trusting
blindly…
in His timing.
In His glory.
In this life story-
that He’s lovingly
laid out for me…
This is my journey
and there’s peace
in knowing
that ultimately-
God’s got me…
In ALL things.
along every step of the way.
Every minute of every day,
God’s got me,
and He loves me.
This is God’s plan
and He has answered me this..
I must put my full faith
Into Jesus-
Nothing less.
Because-
He knows best…
Always.

HAVE FAITH.

Grab Hold –

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

As much as we’d like-
to think we control
our future and our fate…

We don’t decide
when or how we will go,
much less, our final date.

I have become
very hyper-aware
of the moments-
and all I’ve been given.

One silver lining
to cancer, I suppose-
is I’ve realized
I’d better get to livin’!

Life isn’t perfect,
nor every day sweet.
But each waking moment
is a gift, and a blessing.

Soak up the minutes,
love hard, and be present.
Hold onto faith through the good,
the bad and the messy.

Have patience,
be kind, and accountable,
Treat your neighbors
as you would yourself.

Live now, live bold,
and laugh often.
And never put your dreams
up on that shelf.

Follow your heart,
don’t give up,
and keep going.
Money doesn’t equal success.

Chase your dreams,
inspire, and encourage.
Lift others up,
and give them your best.

Fill up your heart,
and it will fuel your spirit.
Live in joy,
And share your gift.

Time is precious,
and priceless, and finite.
Grab hold-
this life goes quick!