Transformation

I’m searching
High and low-
For the rainbow
In my new normal.
Crying, praying,
Pondering,
And wavering
Between hope
And hopeless.
Between faith
And why this?
Feeling all the
weight, and strain,
And bulk of this-
New world
I’m staring into.
A long road ahead
Of healing,
And reeling,
And struggling
To stand tall,
And strong again.
I feel like I’m fighting
Against the wind.
But I always fight
To win.
I’m weakened,
And I’ve been
Hit hard
By chemo treatment.
My daily struggles
Are no secret.
My dignity
Has taken a big hit.
And I’m right in
The thick of it.
Hair loss, weight gain,
Stiff, painful muscles,
Twitching, sensitive eyes,
And Menopause –
Overnight.
Tissue expanders,
And fluid retention.
I’m down at the bottom
Begging for redemption.
Breast Cancer
Is a disease
and a terrible life infection
A life changing direction,
With deepened introspection
Of who and what
I am at my core
Because everything
That once was-
Is nothing like
It was – before.
I must do
Everything
Within my power
To find the rainbow
After this storm.
I must set my ego aside
And find the light
In my new life-
My new norm.
For there is beauty
To be found
In every life cycle
And in every living form.

-Tanielle 6.20.22

I Am 1 in 8

Breast Cancer
I am 1 in 8.
Blinded by the diagnosis,
and still coming to terms
with accepting this
as my fate.

I could ask, “Why me?”,
and go to a sad,
dark place quite easily.
But that is a question-
that will never
be answered.
And staying there
would rob me
of my power-
Indefinitely.

Instead-
I choose positivity.
I choose hope.
I choose faith.
I choose humor.
I choose to find the things
that make me feel happy,
rather than focus only
on all the difficulty.
I choose gratitude.
And I choose my attitude.
Daily. And intentionally.

Breast Cancer treatment-
is a BIG mountain to climb.
A giant obstacle-
directly in front of me.
And I am facing it head on,
and riding the waves of change,
and the side effects
of every treatment
with as much grace
as I can, to the best
of my ability.
Overcoming this-
And sharing my story
and my journey
along the way-
is part of my life destiny.
And I believe that
wholeheartedly.

Breast Cancer-
Why me?
I will never know
the reason.
And I will never ask.
This is my life test,
and I’ve been
called to task.
I am 1 in 8.
And I will overcome.
I will do my best
to keep my chin up
through this adversity,
and my battle
WILL be won.

Breast Cancer
affects so many.
It’s shocking
when you’re
in the thick of it.
Giant hugs and honor
to all who have been
impacted –
by this enormity.
I stand among the
countless women
who have been down
this road before me.
And I look forward
to standing with them
at the finish line,
as a survivor
with a story.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.21.22

How Great Is Our God

This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗

Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!

God’s grace-
is a glorious place.
A prayerful,
and meditative state-
filled with peace,
unconditional love,
and safe keeping.
Releasing,
And unleashing me
from all that burdens
my weary,
and tethered mind-
to fearful,
and unkind thoughts-
that slowly rise up
to the tip top.
Becoming louder
And more prominent,
and dominant
than my faith.
I pause in reflection-
And feel God beckon
me back-
to trust in Him
completely.
To not fear this road
I see in front of me.
But to believe in Him,
And to seek the beauty,
amongst the rubble
He has lovingly
bestowed upon me.
I must always retrace
my steps-
back to the quiet,
prayerful space-
when I feel lost-
And He will come
to greet me,
and I must lean in
with everything I am-
to learn every lesson
He is teaching me.
I feel renewed
by the power of faith
He has restored within me.
He refuses
to give up on me.
God’s grace
is everything.
Even through
all of these life trials,
and tribulations-
I am humbled and blessed
by the outpouring
of God’s greatest kindnesses,
and I am wholeheartedly,
and profoundly gracious.
I will do my very best
to remain steadfast,
and courageous-
in the face of-
my greatest challenges.
God’s grace-
Is the most glorious,
and peaceful place.
Where my tears
of gratitude
stream freely.
Where my heart
is overcome
by His eternal,
and everlasting
love for me.
God’s grace
never ceases-
to amaze me.
His amazing grace
always finds me
in the dark,
and reaches out
with his undying love-
to once again save me…

How great is our God!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.21.22

Beautiful Scars

Beautiful scars
on both sides of my heart.
Proof that I will do anything,
and everything-
to stay right where you are.

My family and friends
are my world.
These life moments
are like gold.
Removing my breast cancer
is my act of intention
towards my will
for growing old.

A major life-changing,
life-saving decision.
A skin-sparing,
double mastectomy.
Letting go of all that is
no longer best for me.

I haven’t lost anything!
I’ve gained my life,
and more minutes.
I’m well on my way-
to a cancer-free me.
I am blessed. I am humble,
and I am in this to win it.

Beautiful scars-
on both sides of my heart,
tell a bigger life story
of survival, revival,
God’s amazing grace,
and His everlasting glory.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 2.18.22

I Choose Faith Over Fear

Life’s most precious moments-
are fleeting.
My heart is alive and well,
and still beating.

I’ve been busy living every minute-
to the fullest.
In the quiet moments,
I am grieving.
But in the face of it all,
I remain upright and stoic.

I may crumble in the dark-
but God brings me right back
to His light.
I may get angry at the journey
that lies in front of me.
But God is holding my hand tight.

I didn’t ask for this,
and I’d rather not have to do it.
But God brought me to this-
and He will bring me through it.

I choose to set my sights
on every silver lining
that lies before me.
I choose faith over fear,
and I hold onto hope
with all the courage I have-
even while I am mourning.

I believe wholeheartedly
that our life journey
is for a reason.
We may not understand
our hardships or life difficulties-
but we must remain steadfast,
trust in Him and keep believing.

I will give my all-
to be a beacon of bright light
for all who may go down
a similar life journey.
This isn’t me going into battle.
This is me going through some
tough-ass moments, letting go,
big personal growth,
and so much learning.

Cancer does not,
and will not ever define me.
I will rise and face the music
directly in front of me,
bask in God’s healing light,
and breathe in peace,
as I begin the painful process of
leaving this cancer behind me.

Tanielle Childers © 2.9.22

God’s Grace

Grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

There are painful,
Angry moments.
In the in-between.
When I scream, shout
And curse my way
Through this grief…
When I am weak.
When I feel small.
When I fall-
All the way…
Down.

Grace
Only finds me
Again…when-
I am ready.

When I give in-
And give it all
Right back to Him.
When I kneel down,
And pray…
God shines
His everlasting light
Down upon me.
Radiating His love
And blessings
All around me.
And it is then…when-
I know and feel
That everything
Surrounding me,
Dumbfounding me,
And humbly
Grounding me
Will be okay…

But grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

It is up to me
To go looking,
Crawling, climbing
Or falling…
My way back
To trusting in Him.
Again, and again,
And again.

I give my heart,
My love,
My faith,
My trust,
And my gratitude
To Him.

Believing
In His healing,
And In His timing
More than mine.
And I will keep
Fighting,
Persevering
And overcoming
My plight.
I have cancer-
But that
Doesn’t define
My life.

Grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

But it is there-
Waiting for me…
When I am ready.

-Tanielle Childers © 2.1.22

I Am Mightier

Hope • Healing • Growing • Overcoming

I AM MIGHTIER

A major life change-
Unfolding swiftly
Before me.
Each day-
A new wave,
And an attempt
At a brave face-
With this tough,
New reality.
Breast Cancer,
Has completely
Dumbfounded me.
It’s astounding-
To me…
Just how fast
The Cancer Center
Moves.
With their patient’s care,
There is no time to lose.
Testing and directing you,
Collecting results,
Analyzing and presenting
Everything
They know.
Offering their expertise,
Comforting words,
And best of all,
HOPE.
The cancer-
Must be removed,
And the time
Is coming now.
And my job
As a patient
Is to prepare myself…
And I will-
SOMEHOW.
A mind-numbing
Place in time,
And so surreal.
Some moments feel
Much more-
Like a dream,
And —- it seems
Almost impossible
To swallow
Or even digest
A mere fraction of this-
The magnitude
Of all that is-
Happening
So fast.
I’m tapping
Into my inner
Strength and courage,
Hope and faith,
My sacred space.
But I do not
And will not
Feel sorry for me-
Only uncertainty
For all that is coming,
And all that will be.
For whatever reason,
THIS—
Is part of
My life journey.
A new chapter
Of learning-
Healing,
And letting go,
Overcoming,
And BIG growth
For me-
Spiritually.
Putting my full faith
Into God-
To carry me
When I am tired,
And weary.
I feel in my heart
Of hearts,
That all will be okay…
But I worry-
Most about
My beautiful family.
And how THEY
Are going to cope,
And manage
Around me.
I MUST
AND I WILL
Get through this!
For this—
Is just a BIG bump
In the road.
This cancer-
May be as fierce as a tiger,
But I —
I AM a fiercer fighter.
And with the heart of a lion,
I will prove
That I am MIGHTIER!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 1-1-22

Breast Cancer

Occupying my free time to avoid thinking too much about pending biopsy results. Painting made the waiting pass a little more easily and less frantically.

Breast Cancer
Wasn’t the
The answer
I ever wanted to hear…

It hit me hard-
Then fear
Sank deep-
Within my heart.
The world paused-
And Everything
Around me-
Faded out.
I was suddenly,
And completely
Unaware of my
Surroundings-
As I momentarily,
And mentally
Checked out.

I felt numb.
SO NUMB.
Everything a blur.
I went inward-
To a quiet place
As I soaked in
Every word,
And understood
As much as I could-
About this
New and foreign
Space.
My heart raced.

Both Invasive
And non-invasive
Ductal Carcinoma.
Tiny, but
Potentially significant
Calcifications
Are present around
This small mass-
Alas-
You’ll need an MRI
Followed by-
Meeting your
Oncology team
at MD Anderson
Cancer Center
Are you familiar?

Jeneane,
Your nurse
Navigator,
Will be calling…

My heart-
Continued falling.
The ground
Slowly crumbling
Beneath my feet.
As I was trying
To wrap my head
Around every
Foreign word
Just spoken to me.

I feel deeply
Anxious about
This whirlwind
Of news…
This flood
Of sudden,
But absolutely
Necessary
Slew-
of Doctor’s
Appointments
Leading up to-
Surgery,
Recovery,
The possibility
Of
A lumpectomy,
Mastectomy?
Reconstruction,
Genetics testing
Radiation
Or hormonal
Treatment therapy.
The thought of
Future cancer
rediscovery?
My mind
Was racing
Ahead of me-
Why is all of this
happening?

Breathe.
Just breathe.

Cancer will not
Get the best of me!
This is just another
Difficult life test for me.
And I am ready…
At least,
I’m trying really hard-
To be.
Knowing
Deep within my heart-
God’s got me.
No matter what.
In my weakest moments,
His grace and light
Will carry me,
And I will fight
With every
Ounce of life in me.

I am grounded.
Re-grounded.
I am humbled.
Re-humbled.
I am grateful.
Newly grateful,
For every blessing
I have taken for granted.
I am blessed.
So very blessed.
With the best-
Friends and family
And support I feel
All around me.

My happily ever after
Isn’t the perfect body,
The perfect house,
Or the perfect life.
It’s love and laughter.
It’s God’s light.
It’s family and friends,
And moments together
No matter the weather.
It’s overcoming,
And conquering
Every life obstacle,
And beating CANCER.
It’s living a long
And happy life
In remission-
AFTER.

Beauty exists
In the everyday
Mundane.
Happiness exists
In life’s littlest
And simplest of things.

I am deeply grateful
For this life.
And I am scared.
Please lift me up
In your prayers.
I can do this.
I will get through this.

-Tanielle Childers©️ 2021
(diagnosed Dec. 21, 2021)

(Please ladies, go get your mammogram! This happened within 1-1/2 years since my last. I didn’t feel a lump. The doctor’s assistant didn’t feel a lump. I requested a mammogram. That mammogram showed a tiny mass – the size of a pencil eraser. That find led to a 3D scan and an ultrasound. I was given the option of waiting and rechecking in 6 months time or a breast biopsy to find out in a few days time. I chose the biopsy and my cancer was detected, thank God! It is scary, but so necessary. Please don’t hesitate. Advocate for yourself and your body. Trust your gut and don’t ever question it.)