Category: Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Dear Self …

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Dear self,

I cried for you-
I held you close.
I felt your spirit tremble.
I was sorry for everything
You were up against-
But I also knew
It wasn’t anything
You couldn’t handle…

Breast Cancer came
And stripped me
Of my identity.

I’d be lying if I said
I wasn’t struggling-
Mentally.

I am still reeling
From all I went through
Physically…

And still healing
From the cancer aftermath
Intricacies.
It’s tricky.

There’s just so much
I feel like
I have lost from this…

And yet, in the same breath,
I’m incredibly grateful
To everyone who was there
And got me through it…

But I’m grieving
Everything I used to be-
Half of my self-image
Was ripped from me.

My beautiful hair
Came out in clumps.
My eyelashes disappeared.
And the most feminine parts
Of me were stripped away.
It’s hard to feel like yourself again when Everything has changed.

My hair is growing back in,
Ever so slowly,
But strangely.
When I look
In the mirror now,
I hardly recognize the person
Standing in front of me.

I look deeply into the eyes
Staring back at me-
The same eyes
I have looked into,
And out from
My entire life…

And I see so much sadness
In that little girl,
My inner child,
Hidden away
Behind those walls
Deep down inside of me.

I want her to know
That I’m so proud
Of everything
She’s overcome.
I want her to know-
She’s beautiful
No matter what
This life has done.

And even if
She no longer
Sees it within herself,
She has way too much
Life left to live
To put herself
Up on that shelf.

I want her to keep fighting
And growing-
Through her own inner turmoil-
I want her to know that
Some of life’s most beautiful
Things sprout up from
A single seed and lots of soil.

I want her to stop building
A fortress to keep the world out-
Instead, I want her to feel and pour
Her beautiful broken heart out.

I want her spirit to soften
Instead of growing bitter.
I want her to feel loved
In spite of her scars and her flaws-
For they will only make her better.

I want her to feel powerful
In spite of her weakest moments.
And I want her to
Spread her wings and fly again…
And release
All the pain she tends
To hide the closest.

I want her to see and feel
The magic of this world again.
And I want her to know
That this battle
Isn’t where her precious life ends…
It’s where her beautful
New chapter begins…

– Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.24.23

The Cancer Aftermath

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Breast Cancer
Kicked me down-
From diagnosis
To doctors appointments,
To consultations-
And further testing.
From big surgeries
To healing and resting-
And then, just when
I was feeling strong again,
It kicked me back down-
And I laid lifeless
After my very last
Chemo round…
And when I thought
The worst was over,
It blindsided me,
And knocked me further-
Down to the ground…
And God brought me
To my knees.
Reaching for me.
Holding me,
And humbly
Reminding me
Of all the healing
I have left to do.
The emotions
That have pooled-
Of all that has happened.
I must now-
Begin to work thru.
My cancer days are
Behind me-
But in front of me
Lies a heavy blanket of grief-
The cancer aftermath-
The emotional rollercoaster.
The forever hangover,
And the reminders
That there are no do-overs.
The loss of what I once was-
Before cancer took
Those parts of me.
And the new reality
Of what now is…
The new ‘survivor’ me.
The traumas,
And inside wounds
I must now tend to.
My broken heart-
Just doesn’t hold
The same magic it used to.
My recovery is far from over.
There’s no end game.
No end date.
But the cancer is gone,
And life should be great.
Except that it’s not.
And that makes me
Feel guilty-
More times than not.
The future feels
Haunting,
Overwhelming,
And daunting.
It feels defeating,
Sorrowful,
And sad.
I feel angry,
And in moments-
Stark raving mad.
It’s hard to wrap
My head around-
The magnitude
Of all I’ve been through.
And no one around me
Understands the depth
Of anything I’m feeling
Or going through.
I’m just back to living
As if everything
I just went through
Wasn’t anything.
Except that it was…
And the sadness,
And mood swings,
And feelings
Are horribly isolating,
And deeply
Heartbreaking.
But I’m still here
Doing my best.
Reminding myself daily
That I’m blessed.
Because I am.
But underneath it all-
I’m still struggling.
More than I care to admit.
My life has forever changed
And I’m not convinced
That I’m better for it
Yet.

~Tanielle Childers ©️ 11.27.22

Leaning in to Change

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

A soft, gentle breeze
Rustles the crackling leaves
From the surrounding trees.
They sway back and forth
Gliding across the blue sky,
Dancing ever so lightly-
On the wings
Of the cooler Autumn air-
Making their journey
Back down to earth.
This is a season
Of transformation.
A time of letting go,
And for some –
A time of rebirth.
The closing of a window,
Another chapter.
The shadows of summer
Fading-
Faster and faster.
Warmer days
Drifting away,
And cooler temperatures
Greeting us at sunrise,
The brisk autumn air
Beginning to freeze
Under the twinkling night sky.
The time of shorter days,
And longer nights.
Warmth from
The afternoon sun
Occasionally beckons
Us all – back outside
And we bask
In bliss and gratitude-
Delighted by the
Colors, and beauty in
The changing season.
Fall has arrived,
And winter isn’t far behind.
A time for deeper reflection,
Looking within,
Slowing down,
Cozying up,
And leaning in-
To change.
I am thankful
For every fleeting moment
And memory made.
My family
And our time here
Together
Is everything!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ Oct. 2022 💛🧡💜

Transformation

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

I’m searching
High and low-
For the rainbow
In my new normal.
Crying, praying,
Pondering,
And wavering
Between hope
And hopeless.
Between faith
And why this?
Feeling all the
weight, and strain,
And bulk of this-
New world
I’m staring into.
A long road ahead
Of healing,
And reeling,
And struggling
To stand tall,
And strong again.
I feel like I’m fighting
Against the wind.
But I always fight
To win.
I’m weakened,
And I’ve been
Hit hard
By chemo treatment.
My daily struggles
Are no secret.
My dignity
Has taken a big hit.
And I’m right in
The thick of it.
Hair loss, weight gain,
Stiff, painful muscles,
Twitching, sensitive eyes,
And Menopause –
Overnight.
Tissue expanders,
And fluid retention.
I’m down at the bottom
Begging for redemption.
Breast Cancer
Is a disease
and a terrible life infection
A life changing direction,
With deepened introspection
Of who and what
I am at my core
Because everything
That once was-
Is nothing like
It was – before.
I must do
Everything
Within my power
To find the rainbow
After this storm.
I must set my ego aside
And find the light
In my new life-
My new norm.
For there is beauty
To be found
In every life cycle
And in every living form.

-Tanielle 6.20.22

Opened Wide

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Unveiled
My new set of eyes-
My new perspective,
Opened wide-
On my own precious life.
They cry more.
They crave more.
They hold more-
Life inside the lens.
They feel more.
They’ve seen more.
They know more-
Truths that aren’t pretend.
They radiate gratitude
To their ultimate capacity.
They overfill and spill-over
One by one by one
With pure love,
And transparency.
They see life’s flaws-
And quickly dismiss them.
They witness faults,
And feel love,
And forgiveness.
For we are only human.
They see love and kindness-
And they light up,
And sparkle with a brightness.
They see pain, and age,
And a weakened body
Struggling to stand upright.
But they offer grace
In the face of defeat-
Knowing this sight-
Won’t be her last fight.
They see a new fire
And a fierceness
Behind her tired gaze,
And they raise it-
For cancer
Has seen its final day
And there’s no time
Left to be wasted.
Get busy planting every seed
And pray to watch it grow.
And water your hopes
Your dreams,
Your family, and everything
That matters to you so.
This life goes by faster
Than the blink of an eye.
And my new eyes
Are opened wide.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 5.29.22

I’m Still That Little Girl

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Colors and words sing and dance
to the rhythm of my heart, my spirit, my being.
They become the ultimate expression
for my life journey, my perspective, and my feelings.

I create art and poetry from the purest part
of who I am – at my core.
In all the moments when I feel lost, alone, and afraid,
I try to remind myself of who I was – before.

Before all of the hardships,
life traumas, and loss.
Before I grew up,
and my childhood innocence was lost.

I’m still that little girl
deep down inside,
Staring at the world
with wonder,
and mesmerized eyes.

I still get excited about
lightning and thunder,
and rainbows after the rain.
I still love to jump in puddles,
stare up at the moon, and stars,
and make snowmen on snow days.

I still love to lay down
and stare up at the clouds in the sky,
daydream about life,
and what it would be like to fly.

I still get excited for fun in the sun,
and playing in the warm water.
I still feel so much love inside my heart
just to be my parents’ daughter.

I still love to camp in the mountains,
go for hikes, and make smores around the fire.
I love to live, and I live to love,
create art, write, teach, and inspire.

I love to give homemade gifts
because those were my favorite to get growing up.
I love to spend time around those dearest to my heart
because memories fill up my cup.

I love to bake homemade cookies
because my grandma’s were my favorite.
I love westerns and football on Sundays
because that’s what my early days were made of.

I love the smell of lilacs in spring,
my grandpa’s garage where he worked,
and my grandparents’ swimming pool chlorine.
My joy and happiness in every memory
will forever make my heart sing.

I love to remember all the ways
I love and adore my life,
And I’m still that little girl
deep down inside-
who can’t wait to go play outside.

-Tanielle Childers © 5.1.22

The Circle of Life

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

The circle of life,
the cycles of time.
Sweet coincidences,
synchronicities,
and tender moments
with our loved ones
by our side.

Beautiful memories
that taste of love, and magic,
and carry us for a lifetime.

New beginnings,
and the excitement of new
chapters, and adventures.
New life entering this world
with the promise of
continuation, and elation,
and getting
to watch them grow.
Loving, protecting, and
encouraging them as they go.
Our children bring the promise
of light, and hope through
life’s constant ebb and flow.

Life and loss
throughout our time here-
reminds us of life’s
greatest treasures,
and the value of all
that we hold dear.
Our moments are a gift-
priceless and tethered.
Our loved ones
who have gone on
Live in our hearts,
and throughout
our time here forever.
This life is precious,
and perfectly imperfect
throughout each, and every day.
This world is incredible,
awe-inspiring,
and should be coveted,
and protected in every way.

Take the time to take in-
the sunsets, sunrises,
snowy, and rainy days,
clouds, and endless blue skies.
The glow of the moon,
and the milky way.
The stars that twinkle and shine.
The animals, mountains, lakes,
rivers, streams, and ocean tides.
The flowers, the trees,
the birds, and the bees.
The forests, the beaches,
the sand, and the breeze.
The mountainous, the tropical,
the frozen, the desert,
and the plains.
The earth in all it’s wonder,
and majesty with every
imaginable type of terrain.

Take in the
changing of the seasons,
holidays, and celebrations
of every type.
Life is short, so be thoughtful,
and always be kind.
Live now, and love deeply.
There is no redo or rewind.
Be humble, and gracious.
Forgive, and let go.
Learn every lesson presented.
You’re never too old to grow.
Laugh loud, and laugh often.
And humor your way through it.
Life is good, bad,
and at times unbearable.
That’s just the cold,
hard truth of it.
But the cycles of life
are precious, and breathtaking,
and 1000 percent worth it.

The circle of life,
the cycles of time.
I’m so very grateful,
from the bottom of my heart,
for each one of you.
Thank you for being
such a beautiful,
and bright part of mine.

-Tanielle Childers © 4.27.22





SOME DAYS

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Some days-
You feel tired
Of fighting,
Tired of hiding
The heartache
Behind your smile.

Some days
You feel like crying
Instead of siding
With positivity,
Even if only
For just a little while.

Some days
No matter
How deep you dig,
Happiness,
Hope, and sunshine
Are difficult to feel.

Some days
It’s okay
To let down and let go,
And to not feel okay,
And just get rest
So you can heal.

Some days
Are not fun days,
Or hit-the-ground-running’ days
Or give-it-your-all days
And it’s okay
Not to be that way every day.

Some days
You just need
To give yourself grace,
And walk away
from the rat race.
It’s okay to take a break.

Some days
Are mental health days
That require
Other ways of dealing-
With a lot less people pleasing
And that’s okay, too.

Some days
There are better ways
Of living, and being,
And giving-
Even when that means
Giving more time for you.

After all,
We’re all just humans-
Being.
And it’s okay to just be human
And nothing more-
Some days.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.26.22

I Am 1 in 8

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

Breast Cancer
I am 1 in 8.
Blinded by the diagnosis,
and still coming to terms
with accepting this
as my fate.

I could ask, “Why me?”,
and go to a sad,
dark place quite easily.
But that is a question-
that will never
be answered.
And staying there
would rob me
of my power-
Indefinitely.

Instead-
I choose positivity.
I choose hope.
I choose faith.
I choose humor.
I choose to find the things
that make me feel happy,
rather than focus only
on all the difficulty.
I choose gratitude.
And I choose my attitude.
Daily. And intentionally.

Breast Cancer treatment-
is a BIG mountain to climb.
A giant obstacle-
directly in front of me.
And I am facing it head on,
and riding the waves of change,
and the side effects
of every treatment
with as much grace
as I can, to the best
of my ability.
Overcoming this-
And sharing my story
and my journey
along the way-
is part of my life destiny.
And I believe that
wholeheartedly.

Breast Cancer-
Why me?
I will never know
the reason.
And I will never ask.
This is my life test,
and I’ve been
called to task.
I am 1 in 8.
And I will overcome.
I will do my best
to keep my chin up
through this adversity,
and my battle
WILL be won.

Breast Cancer
affects so many.
It’s shocking
when you’re
in the thick of it.
Giant hugs and honor
to all who have been
impacted –
by this enormity.
I stand among the
countless women
who have been down
this road before me.
And I look forward
to standing with them
at the finish line,
as a survivor
with a story.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.21.22

How Great Is Our God

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗

Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!

God’s grace-
is a glorious place.
A prayerful,
and meditative state-
filled with peace,
unconditional love,
and safe keeping.
Releasing,
And unleashing me
from all that burdens
my weary,
and tethered mind-
to fearful,
and unkind thoughts-
that slowly rise up
to the tip top.
Becoming louder
And more prominent,
and dominant
than my faith.
I pause in reflection-
And feel God beckon
me back-
to trust in Him
completely.
To not fear this road
I see in front of me.
But to believe in Him,
And to seek the beauty,
amongst the rubble
He has lovingly
bestowed upon me.
I must always retrace
my steps-
back to the quiet,
prayerful space-
when I feel lost-
And He will come
to greet me,
and I must lean in
with everything I am-
to learn every lesson
He is teaching me.
I feel renewed
by the power of faith
He has restored within me.
He refuses
to give up on me.
God’s grace
is everything.
Even through
all of these life trials,
and tribulations-
I am humbled and blessed
by the outpouring
of God’s greatest kindnesses,
and I am wholeheartedly,
and profoundly gracious.
I will do my very best
to remain steadfast,
and courageous-
in the face of-
my greatest challenges.
God’s grace-
Is the most glorious,
and peaceful place.
Where my tears
of gratitude
stream freely.
Where my heart
is overcome
by His eternal,
and everlasting
love for me.
God’s grace
never ceases-
to amaze me.
His amazing grace
always finds me
in the dark,
and reaches out
with his undying love-
to once again save me…

How great is our God!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.21.22

Beautiful Life

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

BEAUTIFUL LIFE

I am so very grateful
for this beautiful life.
For the brilliant sunsets,
and the early morning sunrise.
For the epic Colorado blue skies,
that transition poetically into night.

For the moon that glows,
the twinkling stars that shine,
and for the afterglow of the moon-
burning brightly into our daytime…

For the storm clouds that rise
to the heavens-
or gently roll through.
For the pitter-patter of rain when it drops-
For all of our life memories,
and my loving thoughts of you.

For the snow when it falls,
and the intricate wonder
of snow flakes.
For snuggling next to you-
when I’m cold.
And waking beside you-
when the light
of the early morning day, breaks.

For the sweet morning bird songs,
that sing of spring and rebirth.
For your comforting hugs
when the sting of this life-
hurts worst.

For the soothing sound-
of your deep voice
that calms, and relaxes my worry.
For the quiet moments spent with you.
When life pauses,
and we let go of the hurry.

For your tender, loving kisses,
and I love you’s.
For our barefoot, mountain wedding,
our custom vows, and I do’s.

For paddleboarding side by side
in the hot summer sun.
For camping, hiking,
night fires, and outdoor family fun.

For jogging alongside me
with our littlest in tow.
I love and adore
every moment with you,
and I love you more
than you’ll ever know.

I am so very grateful-
for this beautiful life.
For all of our family and friends,
our children, and for you-
right by my side.

I love you forever.
I love you for life.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.15.22

Have Faith

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

HAVE FAITH

Today-
I took a walk with God.
I talked to God.
I cried with God.
I asked why, and what for
and how come? with God.
I pleaded with God.
I prayed to God,
and then I waited
in silence – for God
to answer me.

I waited patiently,
and quietly.
I breathed in deeply,
and exhaled forcefully.
The tears,
and life’s let-downs
poured right out
of me.
Some days
are downright hard-
mentally.
They’re messy,
and they catch me-
off guard,
and unprepared.
But these days are there-
to remind me again…
that timing
isn’t up to me.
as to when-
or how this life
works out for me.
So I breathe in deeply-
Again.
And I turn my faith
right back to Him.
This is God’s Plan.
God’s got me.
And I’m down on my knees
waiting patiently.
Faithfully.
I’m praying silently.
Believing, and trusting
blindly…
in His timing.
In His glory.
In this life story-
that He’s lovingly
laid out for me…
This is my journey
and there’s peace
in knowing
that ultimately-
God’s got me…
In ALL things.
along every step of the way.
Every minute of every day,
God’s got me,
and He loves me.
This is God’s plan
and He has answered me this..
I must put my full faith
Into Jesus-
Nothing less.
Because-
He knows best…
Always.

HAVE FAITH.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.8.22

Grab Hold –

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

As much as we’d like-
to think we control
our future and our fate…

We don’t decide
when or how we will go,
much less, our final date.

I have become
very hyper-aware
of the moments-
and all I’ve been given.

One silver lining
to cancer, I suppose-
is I’ve realized
I’d better get to livin’!

Life isn’t perfect,
nor every day sweet.
But each waking moment
is a gift, and a blessing.

Soak up the minutes,
love hard, and be present.
Hold onto faith through the good,
the bad and the messy.

Have patience,
be kind, and accountable,
Treat your neighbors
as you would yourself.

Live now, live bold,
and laugh often.
And never put your dreams
up on that shelf.

Follow your heart,
don’t give up,
and keep going.
Money doesn’t equal success.

Chase your dreams,
inspire, and encourage.
Lift others up,
and give them your best.

Fill up your heart,
and it will fuel your spirit.
Live in joy,
And share your gift.

Time is precious,
and priceless, and finite.
Grab hold-
this life goes quick!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 2.25.22

I Choose Faith Over Fear

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Life’s most precious moments-
are fleeting.
My heart is alive and well,
and still beating.

I’ve been busy living every minute-
to the fullest.
In the quiet moments,
I am grieving.
But in the face of it all,
I remain upright and stoic.

I may crumble in the dark-
but God brings me right back
to His light.
I may get angry at the journey
that lies in front of me.
But God is holding my hand tight.

I didn’t ask for this,
and I’d rather not have to do it.
But God brought me to this-
and He will bring me through it.

I choose to set my sights
on every silver lining
that lies before me.
I choose faith over fear,
and I hold onto hope
with all the courage I have-
even while I am mourning.

I believe wholeheartedly
that our life journey
is for a reason.
We may not understand
our hardships or life difficulties-
but we must remain steadfast,
trust in Him and keep believing.

I will give my all-
to be a beacon of bright light
for all who may go down
a similar life journey.
This isn’t me going into battle.
This is me going through some
tough-ass moments, letting go,
big personal growth,
and so much learning.

Cancer does not,
and will not ever define me.
I will rise and face the music
directly in front of me,
bask in God’s healing light,
and breathe in peace,
as I begin the painful process of
leaving this cancer behind me.

Tanielle Childers © 2.9.22

God’s Grace

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

There are painful,
Angry moments.
In the in-between.
When I scream, shout
And curse my way
Through this grief…
When I am weak.
When I feel small.
When I fall-
All the way…
Down.

Grace
Only finds me
Again…when-
I am ready.

When I give in-
And give it all
Right back to Him.
When I kneel down,
And pray…
God shines
His everlasting light
Down upon me.
Radiating His love
And blessings
All around me.
And it is then…when-
I know and feel
That everything
Surrounding me,
Dumbfounding me,
And humbly
Grounding me
Will be okay…

But grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

It is up to me
To go looking,
Crawling, climbing
Or falling…
My way back
To trusting in Him.
Again, and again,
And again.

I give my heart,
My love,
My faith,
My trust,
And my gratitude
To Him.

Believing
In His healing,
And In His timing
More than mine.
And I will keep
Fighting,
Persevering
And overcoming
My plight.
I have cancer-
But that
Doesn’t define
My life.

Grace
Doesn’t find me
Every waking day.

But it is there-
Waiting for me…
When I am ready.

-Tanielle Childers © 2.1.22

Tree of Life

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Tree of life-
Rooted, grounded,
And founded
On love.
Built with our hopes,
And dreams,
And a future team of-
Unified strength
And rising above-
The challenges,
Battles and difficulties
We’ll face.
Together, we’re better
For life’s uphill race.

Beautiful beginnings.
A family-
With children
In the making.
Each one precious,
Each birth, breathtaking.
In awe, overjoyed,
And so overcome-
By the miracle of life,
The power of love.
So much gratitude,
And appreciation
For our family who
Surrounds us,
Grounds us,
And blankets us
In their prayers.
Together, with God,
We will always
Rise above
Life’s many layers.

For seasons of change,
They will come.
And they will pass.
A steady stream
Of normalcy,
And time racing by
Too fast.
Taking moments
For granted.
But knowing-
Normal never lasts.
Life can change,
In the blink of an eye.
Tell those you love-
And that you
Love them for life.
Reach out and hug them.
Hold onto them tight.
Count your blessings
When you’re with them,
And be grateful-
For every moment
Of this magnificent life.

Generations of our ancestors,
Rooted, grounded,
And founded
On an abundance of love.
Our Tree of life.
Our beautiful family.
Eternally grateful to our
Heavenly Father above.

-Tanielle Childers © 1.25.22

I Am Mightier

Poetry by Tanielle Childers
Hope • Healing • Growing • Overcoming

I AM MIGHTIER

A major life change-
Unfolding swiftly
Before me.
Each day-
A new wave,
And an attempt
At a brave face-
With this tough,
New reality.
Breast Cancer,
Has completely
Dumbfounded me.
It’s astounding-
To me…
Just how fast
The Cancer Center
Moves.
With their patient’s care,
There is no time to lose.
Testing and directing you,
Collecting results,
Analyzing and presenting
Everything
They know.
Offering their expertise,
Comforting words,
And best of all,
HOPE.
The cancer-
Must be removed,
And the time
Is coming now.
And my job
As a patient
Is to prepare myself…
And I will-
SOMEHOW.
A mind-numbing
Place in time,
And so surreal.
Some moments feel
Much more-
Like a dream,
And —- it seems
Almost impossible
To swallow
Or even digest
A mere fraction of this-
The magnitude
Of all that is-
Happening
So fast.
I’m tapping
Into my inner
Strength and courage,
Hope and faith,
My sacred space.
But I do not
And will not
Feel sorry for me-
Only uncertainty
For all that is coming,
And all that will be.
For whatever reason,
THIS—
Is part of
My life journey.
A new chapter
Of learning-
Healing,
And letting go,
Overcoming,
And BIG growth
For me-
Spiritually.
Putting my full faith
Into God-
To carry me
When I am tired,
And weary.
I feel in my heart
Of hearts,
That all will be okay…
But I worry-
Most about
My beautiful family.
And how THEY
Are going to cope,
And manage
Around me.
I MUST
AND I WILL
Get through this!
For this—
Is just a BIG bump
In the road.
This cancer-
May be as fierce as a tiger,
But I —
I AM a fiercer fighter.
And with the heart of a lion,
I will prove
That I am MIGHTIER!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 1-1-22

Breast Cancer

Poetry by Tanielle Childers
Occupying my free time to avoid thinking too much about pending biopsy results. Painting made the waiting pass a little more easily and less frantically.

Breast Cancer
Wasn’t the
The answer
I ever wanted to hear…

It hit me hard-
Then fear
Sank deep-
Within my heart.
The world paused-
And Everything
Around me-
Faded out.
I was suddenly,
And completely
Unaware of my
Surroundings-
As I momentarily,
And mentally
Checked out.

I felt numb.
SO NUMB.
Everything a blur.
I went inward-
To a quiet place
As I soaked in
Every word,
And understood
As much as I could-
About this
New and foreign
Space.
My heart raced.

Both Invasive
And non-invasive
Ductal Carcinoma.
Tiny, but
Potentially significant
Calcifications
Are present around
This small mass-
Alas-
You’ll need an MRI
Followed by-
Meeting your
Oncology team
at MD Anderson
Cancer Center
Are you familiar?

Jeneane,
Your nurse
Navigator,
Will be calling…

My heart-
Continued falling.
The ground
Slowly crumbling
Beneath my feet.
As I was trying
To wrap my head
Around every
Foreign word
Just spoken to me.

I feel deeply
Anxious about
This whirlwind
Of news…
This flood
Of sudden,
But absolutely
Necessary
Slew-
of Doctor’s
Appointments
Leading up to-
Surgery,
Recovery,
The possibility
Of
A lumpectomy,
Mastectomy?
Reconstruction,
Genetics testing
Radiation
Or hormonal
Treatment therapy.
The thought of
Future cancer
rediscovery?
My mind
Was racing
Ahead of me-
Why is all of this
happening?

Breathe.
Just breathe.

Cancer will not
Get the best of me!
This is just another
Difficult life test for me.
And I am ready…
At least,
I’m trying really hard-
To be.
Knowing
Deep within my heart-
God’s got me.
No matter what.
In my weakest moments,
His grace and light
Will carry me,
And I will fight
With every
Ounce of life in me.

I am grounded.
Re-grounded.
I am humbled.
Re-humbled.
I am grateful.
Newly grateful,
For every blessing
I have taken for granted.
I am blessed.
So very blessed.
With the best-
Friends and family
And support I feel
All around me.

My happily ever after
Isn’t the perfect body,
The perfect house,
Or the perfect life.
It’s love and laughter.
It’s God’s light.
It’s family and friends,
And moments together
No matter the weather.
It’s overcoming,
And conquering
Every life obstacle,
And beating CANCER.
It’s living a long
And happy life
In remission-
AFTER.

Beauty exists
In the everyday
Mundane.
Happiness exists
In life’s littlest
And simplest of things.

I am deeply grateful
For this life.
And I am scared.
Please lift me up
In your prayers.
I can do this.
I will get through this.

-Tanielle Childers©️ 2021
(diagnosed Dec. 21, 2021)

(Please ladies, go get your mammogram! This happened within 1-1/2 years since my last. I didn’t feel a lump. The doctor’s assistant didn’t feel a lump. I requested a mammogram. That mammogram showed a tiny mass – the size of a pencil eraser. That find led to a 3D scan and an ultrasound. I was given the option of waiting and rechecking in 6 months time or a breast biopsy to find out in a few days time. I chose the biopsy and my cancer was detected, thank God! It is scary, but so necessary. Please don’t hesitate. Advocate for yourself and your body. Trust your gut and don’t ever question it.)

Be Still My Heart

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

Dear Caleyo,

Life’s precious
moments
Are fleeting-
Your tiny feet
Pitter-pattering
While squealing,
Scurrying
And running
All throughout
Our tiny house…

Be still, my heart.

Your giggles
And wiggles
One-liners,
Two-worders,
Three-worders,
And more.
Your sentences
And sassiness,
With occasional
Meowing
And barking
On all fours.

Your grumbles
And mumbles
Growls and sighs.

Your tiny little voice,
And adorable pouting face
With half-closed eyes.

Your deep voice – singing,
And ukulele strumming-
While leaning into your mic.

Your drumsticks-
In the form of
Two chopsticks,
Banging and clanging
On everything in sight.

Pwaying bwocks ,
Watching Grizzly
Or Gabby,
And going outside.

Pretend cooking-
Making coffee and cake
In your mini kitchen
Not far from mine.

Snuggling
And cuddling.
Breakfast, cartoons,
And morning bath time.

These precious
Life moments-
Are God’s greatest gifts
To be cherished for
A lifetime!

I’m grateful
For every
Single moment
I get to spend
Right by your side.

Be still, my heart!

I love you forever
And always!
I love you forever
In ALL ways!

Love, Mom

Dear Talin

Poetry by Tanielle Childers
16″ x 20″ acrylic on panel by Tanielle Childers © 2017

As our birthday nears,
I find myself
A little lost-
And
Quiet in my
Thoughts
Of remembering
YOU-
First learning of you.
Celebrating you.
Losing you.
Mourning you.

Differently-
This year.
But again-
Anyway.
And more-
These last few
Days.
But in reality-
Most likely…
Always.

Blindsided.
This-
Shadow grief…
Each time my mind
Sneaks-
Back to you,
This day.
Your day.
Our day.
And letting go…
But-
Not by my choice
My voice
Cracks,
My heart clenches-
Tightly.
I choke up.
Swallowing hard-
Trying to collect myself-
Politely.
Imploring it all to pass
But alas-
It arrives anyway-

My emotions
Pooling.
Welling up.
Sorrow spilling-
Lightly…
This releasing
Of you-
Once again.
Quietly.
Just
Feeling a little sad…
On this melancholy,
Pre-celebratory
Day.
My Mom’s birthday,
My birthday,
And the day
I miscarried
You
Naturally—
On July 7th
Back in 2017.
Happy almost birthday,
Sweet Talin!
I love you
ALWAYS.
I love you
DEEPLY.
I will love you
FOREVER…
Unconditionally-
And Completely.

I see you in the
Butterflies
That come
To say hello.
And in the hawks
Perched on landings
Or flying overhead
Watching over
Our family
Wherever we go-
I feel you in my heart
And with me
In spirit.
And I will-
Go on missing you
Forever,
But each year
Better.
And tomorrow
I’ll be celebrating
You and hope
Wherever you are,
That you hear it!

💜Mom