women with cancer – dreamer | artist | painter

Transformation

I’m searching
High and low-
For the rainbow
In my new normal.
Crying, praying,
Pondering,
And wavering
Between hope
And hopeless.
Between faith
And why this?
Feeling all the
weight, and strain,
And bulk of this-
New world
I’m staring into.
A long road ahead
Of healing,
And reeling,
And struggling
To stand tall,
And strong again.
I feel like I’m fighting
Against the wind.
But I always fight
To win.
I’m weakened,
And I’ve been
Hit hard
By chemo treatment.
My daily struggles
Are no secret.
My dignity
Has taken a big hit.
And I’m right in
The thick of it.
Hair loss, weight gain,
Stiff, painful muscles,
Twitching, sensitive eyes,
And Menopause –
Overnight.
Tissue expanders,
And fluid retention.
I’m down at the bottom
Begging for redemption.
Breast Cancer
Is a disease
and a terrible life infection
A life changing direction,
With deepened introspection
Of who and what
I am at my core
Because everything
That once was-
Is nothing like
It was – before.
I must do
Everything
Within my power
To find the rainbow
After this storm.
I must set my ego aside
And find the light
In my new life-
My new norm.
For there is beauty
To be found
In every life cycle
And in every living form.

-Tanielle 6.20.22

I Am 1 in 8

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

Breast Cancer
I am 1 in 8.
Blinded by the diagnosis,
and still coming to terms
with accepting this
as my fate.

I could ask, “Why me?”,
and go to a sad,
dark place quite easily.
But that is a question-
that will never
be answered.
And staying there
would rob me
of my power-
Indefinitely.

Instead-
I choose positivity.
I choose hope.
I choose faith.
I choose humor.
I choose to find the things
that make me feel happy,
rather than focus only
on all the difficulty.
I choose gratitude.
And I choose my attitude.
Daily. And intentionally.

Breast Cancer treatment-
is a BIG mountain to climb.
A giant obstacle-
directly in front of me.
And I am facing it head on,
and riding the waves of change,
and the side effects
of every treatment
with as much grace
as I can, to the best
of my ability.
Overcoming this-
And sharing my story
and my journey
along the way-
is part of my life destiny.
And I believe that
wholeheartedly.

Breast Cancer-
Why me?
I will never know
the reason.
And I will never ask.
This is my life test,
and I’ve been
called to task.
I am 1 in 8.
And I will overcome.
I will do my best
to keep my chin up
through this adversity,
and my battle
WILL be won.

Breast Cancer
affects so many.
It’s shocking
when you’re
in the thick of it.
Giant hugs and honor
to all who have been
impacted –
by this enormity.
I stand among the
countless women
who have been down
this road before me.
And I look forward
to standing with them
at the finish line,
as a survivor
with a story.

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 4.21.22

How Great Is Our God

Poetry by Tanielle Childers, Uncategorized

This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗

Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!

God’s grace-
is a glorious place.
A prayerful,
and meditative state-
filled with peace,
unconditional love,
and safe keeping.
Releasing,
And unleashing me
from all that burdens
my weary,
and tethered mind-
to fearful,
and unkind thoughts-
that slowly rise up
to the tip top.
Becoming louder
And more prominent,
and dominant
than my faith.
I pause in reflection-
And feel God beckon
me back-
to trust in Him
completely.
To not fear this road
I see in front of me.
But to believe in Him,
And to seek the beauty,
amongst the rubble
He has lovingly
bestowed upon me.
I must always retrace
my steps-
back to the quiet,
prayerful space-
when I feel lost-
And He will come
to greet me,
and I must lean in
with everything I am-
to learn every lesson
He is teaching me.
I feel renewed
by the power of faith
He has restored within me.
He refuses
to give up on me.
God’s grace
is everything.
Even through
all of these life trials,
and tribulations-
I am humbled and blessed
by the outpouring
of God’s greatest kindnesses,
and I am wholeheartedly,
and profoundly gracious.
I will do my very best
to remain steadfast,
and courageous-
in the face of-
my greatest challenges.
God’s grace-
Is the most glorious,
and peaceful place.
Where my tears
of gratitude
stream freely.
Where my heart
is overcome
by His eternal,
and everlasting
love for me.
God’s grace
never ceases-
to amaze me.
His amazing grace
always finds me
in the dark,
and reaches out
with his undying love-
to once again save me…

How great is our God!

-Tanielle Childers ©️ 3.21.22

Beautiful Scars

Uncategorized

Beautiful scars
on both sides of my heart.
Proof that I will do anything,
and everything-
to stay right where you are.

My family and friends
are my world.
These life moments
are like gold.
Removing my breast cancer
is my act of intention
towards my will
for growing old.

A major life-changing,
life-saving decision.
A skin-sparing,
double mastectomy.
Letting go of all that is
no longer best for me.

I haven’t lost anything!
I’ve gained my life,
and more minutes.
I’m well on my way-
to a cancer-free me.
I am blessed. I am humble,
and I am in this to win it.

Beautiful scars-
on both sides of my heart,
tell a bigger life story
of survival, revival,
God’s amazing grace,
and His everlasting glory.

I Am Mightier

Poetry by Tanielle Childers

I AM MIGHTIER

A major life change-
Unfolding swiftly
Before me.
Each day-
A new wave,
And an attempt
At a brave face-
With this tough,
New reality.
Breast Cancer,
Has completely
Dumbfounded me.
It’s astounding-
To me…
Just how fast
The Cancer Center
Moves.
With their patient’s care,
There is no time to lose.
Testing and directing you,
Collecting results,
Analyzing and presenting
Everything
They know.
Offering their expertise,
Comforting words,
And best of all,
HOPE.
The cancer-
Must be removed,
And the time
Is coming now.
And my job
As a patient
Is to prepare myself…
And I will-
SOMEHOW.
A mind-numbing
Place in time,
And so surreal.
Some moments feel
Much more-
Like a dream,
And —- it seems
Almost impossible
To swallow
Or even digest
A mere fraction of this-
The magnitude
Of all that is-
Happening
So fast.
I’m tapping
Into my inner
Strength and courage,
Hope and faith,
My sacred space.
But I do not
And will not
Feel sorry for me-
Only uncertainty
For all that is coming,
And all that will be.
For whatever reason,
THIS—
Is part of
My life journey.
A new chapter
Of learning-
Healing,
And letting go,
Overcoming,
And BIG growth
For me-
Spiritually.
Putting my full faith
Into God-
To carry me
When I am tired,
And weary.
I feel in my heart
Of hearts,
That all will be okay…
But I worry-
Most about
My beautiful family.
And how THEY
Are going to cope,
And manage
Around me.
I MUST
AND I WILL
Get through this!
For this—
Is just a BIG bump
In the road.
This cancer-
May be as fierce as a tiger,
But I —
I AM a fiercer fighter.
And with the heart of a lion,
I will prove
That I am MIGHTIER!