Today is beautiful. Because I woke up Again. A new day. Another chance To live. To breathe. To feel my heart beat. Alive with love. And gratitude. Holding all the beauty Like golden treasures Of all our memories made- Together. … And the excitement That exists for all The memories Left for us to make. … I can’t wait.
The blue sky. The calm. The serene White, wispy brush strokes Of highlights Blending the white Into blue… The sun exploding In the east. Bright, bold And beautiful.
May this day Be filled with abundance And blessings For all of you!
My six-month breast cancer Check-up last Friday With my oncologist- Turned into seven because I forgot. I forgot to schedule it Because I was so busy living- And the forgetting, for me, Was a blessing… Because remembering – is a lot!
Before this day came, I was unbothered and untroubled. After all, this was just another normal Follow-up doctor’s appointment I needed to go to. But when I was pulling into The Harmony Cancer Center that day, My mood suddenly shifted. I felt a heaviness welling up inside my heart. I was taken aback. And these emotions Caught me completely off guard.
As I walked into the cancer center, I looked around at all the people present Waiting for their name to be called, As I patiently waited in line To be checked in for mine. Some wore hats To cover their balding heads from chemo. Some sat alone in silence Staring out the windows At the falling snow and gray skies. While others sat with their spouses And filled their waiting time With comforting words, Loving nudges and a bit of normalcy. Today, the cancer center was busy, And bustling.
I was a mixed bag Of so many different emotions… Bouncing, in real-time, From one right into the next. I stood trying to wrap my head around The complexity of all that I was feeling. And what I was feeling Felt heavy and intense.
I meandered around And found a chair that offered Bright colored landscapes on the wall In front of me to get lost in, And large windows close by To see the beautiful tree outside- That was somehow grounding. And something I found comfort in.
And I sat alone in silence, Sipping my hot coffee With honey and cinnamon- Reflecting, observing And remembering the journey That landed me in this space. The traumas still come back To haunt me from time to time. Like today. Coming back was a trigger I wasn’t prepared for in any way.
My grief is still present, Though not as often as it once was. And my sadness still lingers. Though most of it, I have chosen to let go of. But all that I felt was a reminder That I am still healing From all that I endured. That I am not done processing Everything I’ve been through. And I’m still hoping for one day, a cure. I’m healing slowly, but surely And that’s okay. Little bit by little bit, Over an extended time… Because healing never happens Overnight.
When my name was called, I stood tall and followed my nurse Like a robot going through the motions. Weight and height check- Followed by my vitals and questions Around depression and how I’m managing. Overall, I feel a sense of pride For getting through and to Where I’m at today. That said, I still have moments Where I struggle to accept My new normal as being okay.
After my nurse left, and as I sat waiting For my oncologist to arrive, I snapped this photo of myself Because it’s a moment To be celebrated. This was my high-five. I felt happy and grateful To still be here- To still be alive.
But when I look at This photo of myself, I see every emotion I was feeling And sitting with, Even though I thought I was hiding it. I see everything That tugged at my heart that day. I see happiness and inner peace. I see a deep sadness And a sense of unease. But I see immense gratitude- And a good attitude toward Being in remission– And I also see that I am not defined By one or the other. I see that I am all of them- Intertwined together… And a work-in-progress I will be– Forever.
Last night I stepped outside my norm and this is what came forward … along with a poem that came directly after. This is for any and all who need to hear the same.
“RELEASE”
Release the need For perfectionism. Let go of that Which cannot exist.
Instead- Color outside the lines With bold enthusiasm And lead with your love, Fire and grit.
Drop the comparisons. You are not them, And they are not you. Your journey is not theirs- Only yours is for you.
Live your life out loud With intention, And just be you. Reinvented you. Passionate you. Healing you. Unapologetically you. And be unafraid To let the world see The unmasked version Of you.
For you are beautiful. Just as you are- With every story, Every scar, Every facet, Every celebrated Imperfection. You are a force To be reckoned with.
Your truth Is your connection. It’s the red thread That unites us all Behind unspoken words. Speak up with courage. Your voice is your power And your story- Beckons to be heard.
Chase your joys. Follow your heart And be led by the things That ignite your light So deeply within.
For that IS Your purpose And a sign that The stars have aligned. That you are on your path- And your soul is ready To dive in.
I took a giant leap of faith, and followed my heart instead of listening to my fears. I went on a journey of art and healing with an amazing group of women that I’m now proud to call my friends. I stand in awe of our experiences together.
This is a poem I wrote after I bought my plane tickets. You should also know it took me 3 times of getting all the way to end where you confirm – before I actually did. The fear was loud, but my faith was louder. This was one of the most empowering experiences I’ve ever had. I’m forever grateful.
“Teotihuacan Feb. 2025 – Leap of Faith”
I just took A GIANT leap of faith. Scary! Terrifying actually! My heart is racing… And the logical Part of my brain Is bracing itself… And wondering why I just jumped Without a net To catch my fall- And yet Something Deeper within My spirit Told me To just answer The call. Told me I must! Told me to trust! Asked me to believe. Have blind faith in that Which you cannot Foresee! And my higher self Is applauding me, And celebrating My bravery- And rejoicing in The open-minded Parts of me Willing to Finally let go. Let go Of every self doubt, Every roadblock, And excuse That has been This barrier Enslaving me, And belittling me Since I was 19. Because My higher self Sees the real me. Believes in me. Sees my Unique qualities, My strengths, And every possibility Deep down Inside of me. Maybe- The lioness Within me is Awakening… And jumping Was just The beginning Of my trajectory- To inner glory. And the beginning- Of my NEW life story.
I’m terrified. But my soul Is on fire With a light Brighter Than anything I have ever felt Before. Something Has been ignited Deep within My spirit, At my core And I am ready And eager For ALL that’s In store…
Today is a gift In this very moment As you sit here now, Breathing, seeing, Feeling and being. This- is living. This- is the present.
Life is a treasure To behold, And to cherish. No day is perfect But every single one, Holds something within- A blessing or blessings To relish.
Let perfection go- And allow Your life To unfold In the most Beautiful ways- As you follow Your heart, And listen To that little Voice inside- Nudging, And guiding you. This- is your intuition And your guides Lighting the path, And realigning you.
Allow your light To shine For all those Around you To see and to feel. This- is the center Of your spirit. This- is love. The truest And purest, Most beautiful part of you.
Today is a gift. Celebrate it. Gratitude is Knocking On your door- Answer it. Life is a mirror Of what you choose To project. So, protect it. Choose your Words and your Thoughts wisely. And if something Within this day Doesn’t go your way- Let it. Change your lens, Find your peace, And accept it. Happiness is a choice. Remember that. New opportunities Are unfolding Before you- Open your heart And be willing to listen. Have faith And trust in it.
It is up to each one of us To somehow Keep our hope alive. And we will find it In those places Where our heart Feels overwhelming joy To thrive.
I find my hope In a morning run And in the vibrant colors Of the rising Sun. In the clouds And God’s sun rays Shining down From up above. I feel hope When I give gratitude For the blessings I’ve been given. I find Hope In the beauty Of life’s little things. And In learning A new life lesson. Hope is there For the offering In those beautiful spaces That make your heart sing. May you find and feel Hope today In whatever Your day may bring.
This was written the day my chemo port was placed, and the night before my very first chemo treatment. I was terrified of all of the unknowns. I leaned into God at every scary turn and it was everything I needed and more – to get me through it. May this poem find those who need it and offer up all of the same to you in your time of need or for someone you love! Love, light and giant hugs to all going through their own life battles right now. May we become beacons of light in the eye of the storm we’re in, to give hope to all those who follow a similar life journey! 💗💗💗
Laughter is the best medicine – so don’t forget to laugh as often as possible to get those endorphins coming your way. Stay strong!
God’s grace- is a glorious place. A prayerful, and meditative state- filled with peace, unconditional love, and safe keeping. Releasing, And unleashing me from all that burdens my weary, and tethered mind- to fearful, and unkind thoughts- that slowly rise up to the tip top. Becoming louder And more prominent, and dominant than my faith. I pause in reflection- And feel God beckon me back- to trust in Him completely. To not fear this road I see in front of me. But to believe in Him, And to seek the beauty, amongst the rubble He has lovingly bestowed upon me. I must always retrace my steps- back to the quiet, prayerful space- when I feel lost- And He will come to greet me, and I must lean in with everything I am- to learn every lesson He is teaching me. I feel renewed by the power of faith He has restored within me. He refuses to give up on me. God’s grace is everything. Even through all of these life trials, and tribulations- I am humbled and blessed by the outpouring of God’s greatest kindnesses, and I am wholeheartedly, and profoundly gracious. I will do my very best to remain steadfast, and courageous- in the face of- my greatest challenges. God’s grace- Is the most glorious, and peaceful place. Where my tears of gratitude stream freely. Where my heart is overcome by His eternal, and everlasting love for me. God’s grace never ceases- to amaze me. His amazing grace always finds me in the dark, and reaches out with his undying love- to once again save me…
Today- I took a walk with God. I talked to God. I cried with God. I asked why, and what for and how come? with God. I pleaded with God. I prayed to God, and then I waited in silence – for God to answer me.
I waited patiently, and quietly. I breathed in deeply, and exhaled forcefully. The tears, and life’s let-downs poured right out of me. Some days are downright hard- mentally. They’re messy, and they catch me- off guard, and unprepared. But these days are there- to remind me again… that timing isn’t up to me. as to when- or how this life works out for me. So I breathe in deeply- Again. And I turn my faith right back to Him. This is God’s Plan. God’s got me. And I’m down on my knees waiting patiently. Faithfully. I’m praying silently. Believing, and trusting blindly… in His timing. In His glory. In this life story- that He’s lovingly laid out for me… This is my journey and there’s peace in knowing that ultimately- God’s got me… In ALL things. along every step of the way. Every minute of every day, God’s got me, and He loves me. This is God’s plan and He has answered me this.. I must put my full faith Into Jesus- Nothing less. Because- He knows best… Always.
Life’s most precious moments- are fleeting. My heart is alive and well, and still beating.
I’ve been busy living every minute- to the fullest. In the quiet moments, I am grieving. But in the face of it all, I remain upright and stoic.
I may crumble in the dark- but God brings me right back to His light. I may get angry at the journey that lies in front of me. But God is holding my hand tight.
I didn’t ask for this, and I’d rather not have to do it. But God brought me to this- and He will bring me through it.
I choose to set my sights on every silver lining that lies before me. I choose faith over fear, and I hold onto hope with all the courage I have- even while I am mourning.
I believe wholeheartedly that our life journey is for a reason. We may not understand our hardships or life difficulties- but we must remain steadfast, trust in Him and keep believing.
I will give my all- to be a beacon of bright light for all who may go down a similar life journey. This isn’t me going into battle. This is me going through some tough-ass moments, letting go, big personal growth, and so much learning.
Cancer does not, and will not ever define me. I will rise and face the music directly in front of me, bask in God’s healing light, and breathe in peace, as I begin the painful process of leaving this cancer behind me.
TANiELLE ART 