LET GO Of the guilt That shames you away From allowing Your body to heal.
LET GO Of the need To constantly be moving. It’s okay to rest And be still.
LET GO Of the push To always be busy In a culture That tells you- You must.
INSTEAD, Give yourself permission To pause and reflect- Away from Society’s rush.
Take in some deep breaths And push them all out To release, Reground, And reset.
Tune out And take time To recharge In the silence- How quickly We all forget.
Allow the warmth Of the sunshine To rest on your face As you slowly return To center. This sacred space Is where healing begins- Because the outside world Cannot enter.
I’m learning… What it is to have an Extreme duality of emotions In cancer survivorship. And that it’s okay To acknowledge and accept it Fully. Deeply. And honestly.
I am a breast cancer Survivor. I’m currently In remission- I have really great days- Where I feel confident, Positive. Hopeful. A small piece Of the carefree Light-hearted version of me. And yet- I still go through darkness. Really difficult times That feel extremely Isolating, depressing, And incredibly lonely.
I wouldn’t wish these days On anyone I love. It’s a very challenging Place to be. It feels like no one around me Really gets me- Not anymore. Not really. And I don’t want to drop the heavy On anyone around me. I’m happy they Don’t feel how I feel, But my spirit sure Longs for someone Who did- In these moments When I feel so sad and conflicted.
I feel guilty for feeling Ungrateful- When I know I should be thankful Because I’m still living- And I am- I feel both.
I’m beyond grateful – And I’m utterly heartbroken. I’m so angry- And I’m also glad. I’m so gracious for my body- For fighting And healing- And winning, so far- And I absolutely hate it. It makes me cry, And it makes me mad When I look in the mirror And remember What I used to have.
I’m learning Slowly. That it is completely okay To feel the extremes together- To grieve and to celebrate In the same conflicting breath. Because- As a cancer survivor- Every new day, Is another attempt To confront, sit with, and be okay With whatever this day’s Current emotion is.
I woke up yesterday from a night of bad dreams, and the moment I opened my eyes, these words started pouring out of me and I knew I had to get them down in order to be able to let this go … for whatever it’s worth, these are my two cents…
The tough times Aren’t meant To break us. They’re meant to Shape and sculpt us Into who we are Becoming – The next level Of growth In who we are Meant to be.
The tears We shed Are meant to Humble us, And ground us. A reminder for us Of the kindness And compassion This world, And people Surrounding us- Need.
We’re all fighting Battles Or health issues Behind Closed doors Most people Never see.
These days, I would argue, Most of us Are often Disconnected,, Over-stimulated, Rarely present, And too busy To process and Heal from All the things That continue To make our Mind, body, And spirit Bleed… Including me.
The overwhelm. Our constant Hustle and bustle- Always moving. This world Is always in a hurry. We’re so busy Speeding through Our days From A to B To C to D to E. Just to get by. Just to provide- For our families. And then- Many of us Are struggling to sleep, And the hours of rest We actually get- Never feel like Enough- At least for me.
The mindless scrolling, Binge-watching, Numbing, vanity-driven Distractions Are carrying us all Further and further away From the true meaning Of this life And living- Daily. This frightening pattern Is slowly killing The very fabric That connects us. The deeper connection, And sense of community Is meant to support And protect us. As people- We are more divided, And more conflicted Than ever before- Slamming each other Online in comments Behind screens And closed doors Over disagreements… Disagreements- Over the muddied, Skewed and Extremely divided Waters of corrupt Media outlets and politics. This division Doesn’t suit us. It’s gutting us. Turning us Against one another. The hate Certainly won’t fix this. And I’ll be honest When I say, I don’t know What the answer is- But I do believe this-
We all need To pause, To reconnect With ourselves, To God, The universe, And our hearts. We need more time Out in nature. More peace, And quiet, More time to Think and breathe- To reflect, meditate And pray. To sit and listen To the silence. Allowing ourselves To reset And to just be… To be at ease- To listen to the breeze, Watching the birds Flutter, soar, And dance Across the sky, So effortlessly. It’s live poetry- In motion… To just sit still And watch the clouds Form and fade, Build up, roll in, And release Snow or rain, Or allow Warm sunshine To shine through The cracks And down Upon our face. The raw beauty, Of this world And the wildlife buzzing All around us Is a gift to behold. The awe-inspiring Magic of our earth. The power, the fragility, And true honor Of what it means To breathe, To be alive, To be alongside Our loved ones, To be present, And to feel heard.
We all want the same. We all want better- For ourselves, For our children, And grandchildren. For our country, And for each other. Let’s all do better- And be better- For the higher good.
My six-month breast cancer Check-up last Friday With my oncologist- Turned into seven because I forgot. I forgot to schedule it Because I was so busy living- And the forgetting, for me, Was a blessing… Because remembering – is a lot!
Before this day came, I was unbothered and untroubled. After all, this was just another normal Follow-up doctor’s appointment I needed to go to. But when I was pulling into The Harmony Cancer Center that day, My mood suddenly shifted. I felt a heaviness welling up inside my heart. I was taken aback. And these emotions Caught me completely off guard.
As I walked into the cancer center, I looked around at all the people present Waiting for their name to be called, As I patiently waited in line To be checked in for mine. Some wore hats To cover their balding heads from chemo. Some sat alone in silence Staring out the windows At the falling snow and gray skies. While others sat with their spouses And filled their waiting time With comforting words, Loving nudges and a bit of normalcy. Today, the cancer center was busy, And bustling.
I was a mixed bag Of so many different emotions… Bouncing, in real-time, From one right into the next. I stood trying to wrap my head around The complexity of all that I was feeling. And what I was feeling Felt heavy and intense.
I meandered around And found a chair that offered Bright colored landscapes on the wall In front of me to get lost in, And large windows close by To see the beautiful tree outside- That was somehow grounding. And something I found comfort in.
And I sat alone in silence, Sipping my hot coffee With honey and cinnamon- Reflecting, observing And remembering the journey That landed me in this space. The traumas still come back To haunt me from time to time. Like today. Coming back was a trigger I wasn’t prepared for in any way.
My grief is still present, Though not as often as it once was. And my sadness still lingers. Though most of it, I have chosen to let go of. But all that I felt was a reminder That I am still healing From all that I endured. That I am not done processing Everything I’ve been through. And I’m still hoping for one day, a cure. I’m healing slowly, but surely And that’s okay. Little bit by little bit, Over an extended time… Because healing never happens Overnight.
When my name was called, I stood tall and followed my nurse Like a robot going through the motions. Weight and height check- Followed by my vitals and questions Around depression and how I’m managing. Overall, I feel a sense of pride For getting through and to Where I’m at today. That said, I still have moments Where I struggle to accept My new normal as being okay.
After my nurse left, and as I sat waiting For my oncologist to arrive, I snapped this photo of myself Because it’s a moment To be celebrated. This was my high-five. I felt happy and grateful To still be here- To still be alive.
But when I look at This photo of myself, I see every emotion I was feeling And sitting with, Even though I thought I was hiding it. I see everything That tugged at my heart that day. I see happiness and inner peace. I see a deep sadness And a sense of unease. But I see immense gratitude- And a good attitude toward Being in remission– And I also see that I am not defined By one or the other. I see that I am all of them- Intertwined together… And a work-in-progress I will be– Forever.
I took a giant leap of faith, and followed my heart instead of listening to my fears. I went on a journey of art and healing with an amazing group of women that I’m now proud to call my friends. I stand in awe of our experiences together.
This is a poem I wrote after I bought my plane tickets. You should also know it took me 3 times of getting all the way to end where you confirm – before I actually did. The fear was loud, but my faith was louder. This was one of the most empowering experiences I’ve ever had. I’m forever grateful.
“Teotihuacan Feb. 2025 – Leap of Faith”
I just took A GIANT leap of faith. Scary! Terrifying actually! My heart is racing… And the logical Part of my brain Is bracing itself… And wondering why I just jumped Without a net To catch my fall- And yet Something Deeper within My spirit Told me To just answer The call. Told me I must! Told me to trust! Asked me to believe. Have blind faith in that Which you cannot Foresee! And my higher self Is applauding me, And celebrating My bravery- And rejoicing in The open-minded Parts of me Willing to Finally let go. Let go Of every self doubt, Every roadblock, And excuse That has been This barrier Enslaving me, And belittling me Since I was 19. Because My higher self Sees the real me. Believes in me. Sees my Unique qualities, My strengths, And every possibility Deep down Inside of me. Maybe- The lioness Within me is Awakening… And jumping Was just The beginning Of my trajectory- To inner glory. And the beginning- Of my NEW life story.
I’m terrified. But my soul Is on fire With a light Brighter Than anything I have ever felt Before. Something Has been ignited Deep within My spirit, At my core And I am ready And eager For ALL that’s In store…
I’m so proud of you For getting through Every hardship, Every battle, And every struggle That came from Every difficult storm You walked through.
I’m so proud of you For every part Of grief you Overcame. For moving through Every feeling You felt, For allowing Your heart to cry- As you Stoically, Quietly, Or powerfully, And painfully Wept.
I’m so proud- That when the timing Was just right for you, You chose To finally Let it all go. Let go of your pain, And suffering, The anger, And sorrow, And everything That no longer Served you- And in the same breath You decided To step outside of Your comfort zone. And you chose Joy and happiness. You chose to rise, and To spread your wings, In order to grow, And glow Into the new, Courageous, Powerful and Radiant YOU.
Shine your light bright For the whole wide world To see- And to feel. Choose to Love yourself A whole lot more, And a whole lot better… Please promise me You will. Please offer yourself Forgiveness, And allow yourself More grace- With even more space For love, compassion, And patience… For doing your best. For who you are And where you are- Right now At this very moment, And in this place. Because- You and I both know That this life isn’t easy! And I just wanted you to know- That I think you’re doing great!
I reach out To hang out. I long for old times And friendship. But each time I feel denied And somehow rejected. And it triggers This horrible sadness inside, And I can’t help But feel deeply affected. I know that I hurt you A long time ago- I apologized, And I’ve tried To right my wrong- But it’s forever changed The way we once were- And it’s become Painfully clear Over these last few years- That I no longer Really belong. In truth, I’m realizing The time has come For me to stop playing This same old sad song. I love you forever, And I always will. Until my very last breath. All those crazy, fun times We had together- Are some of my most favorite Life memories yet- I won’t bother you To hang out anymore- And I’m sorry If I have felt like a pest. I love you big And I love you for life- You’ll always be one of the best-
This poem came to me around 3am on the morning of 6-27-24, and was written for those of us who are experiencing our children growing up and being around a whole lot less.
I feel a little bit sad Every time I walk by And see your empty bed. It’s a reminder again and again- Just a little each time, You’re a little more adult, And a little less kid.
My mama heart breaks Just a little each time I see you paving your way. Living your own life, And on your own terms, A little less here, And a little more away.
But I also feel A lot of mama pride- Watching you thrive As the days fly by… And I see the woman You are growing into- A little less me And a lot more you.
It’s beautiful. YOU are beautiful, And I am forever grateful That I get to do This life with you. I thank God For every waking day I get- To spend a little more time Watching you blossom And bloom…
Even if my mama heart feels like It’s all happening- Just a little too soon.
TANiELLE ART 