It’s been a rough stretch- Mentally. I draw in a deep breath- As I feel the clouds Begin to lift. This darkness- Has felt so heavy. This grieving- Of who I was before- Cancer. And struggling To accept myself Unconditionally, As I am now- After. So much was lost, And I was happy With who I was. And I don’t yet see Anything That has been gained- Out of who I have become. If I’m being honest, Breast cancer Has made me feel Less like a woman, Weaker as a person, And so much more Sadness as a human. I would not wish this On anyone. I have been Profoundly humbled By my life journey. I understand The fragility of life, And the importance Of moments spent Both happy And hurting. I struggle to understand The purpose behind All that has been taken- And I would be lying If I said There weren’t moments Where I have felt Like I have been Forsaken. But I will forge ahead For my family- And do my best To hold my head high. And I will do so With as much strength And hope As I can find- Cancer has taken So much from me- But I will never Give it the power To define- The rest of my lifetime.
F it. FIGHT it. FINISH it. FIND a cure. FIND a way to THRIVE, despite it. And FORGET it, even if only for a moment.
FOCUS on HEALING and self-care. And know that it’s okay to FEEL like your diagnosis isn’t FAIR.
FEEL the big LOVE surrounding you, And all of the support rallying all around you.
FIND BEAUTY in the quiet moments. Remember what really matters and what doesn’t, and then let go of it!
Bid FAREWELL to all that does not support you healthily. And do what’s best for you- both physically and mentally.
FIND JOY in the small things. Keep FAITH and hope alive. Don’t sweat that, which you cannot control. Stop FIGHTING your tears. Allow them to FLOW, and then let it all go.
FIND and allow FORGIVENESS and grace, and practice both daily. Allow yourself time and space to meditate and pray, FAITHFULLY.
And FEEL your FEELINGS all the way through. But remember that cancer does not define you.
Give your anger a voice, and then kill it with kindness. And give your sadness a huge hug- Because sadness reminds us- that we’re only human, going through an extremely difficult human experience!
FIND your STRENGTH. FEEL your POWER. And dig deep for the courage to battle all the way to the FINISH LINE. And then FIND, rediscover and recreate the new you – and your new life… And I hope you choose to shine.
Stand tall alongside all of the other courageous warriors, cancer survivors, and thrivers- Who will continue loving and supporting you, FIGHTING with, and FOR you- and cheering you on for the rest of time, from the sideline.
And honor those who have sadly lost their battle by living your best life for the rest of your life.
You are more powerful than you know. And most importantly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I’ve grown To understand- There is great power In acceptance. By surrendering To your current reality, You free up Enormous space & energy. Stop fighting- A losing battle. Choose to rise up, And light- A brand new candle. Open your heart And your mind Toward new, Forward movement, And opportunities. This eye-opening Realization Will become- Your blossoming, Your purpose, Your new identity. It’s time to surrender, And finally let go- Of your anger, Bitterness, And sorrow. For holding on- Will only hold off Tomorrow. And fighting it Will only- Keep you stuck In your same old, Broken tracks. Pray for the courage To move on- In faith, and hope And for new possibilities. For the time has come- For you to take Your power back.
I’m so sorry- I gave up on you. For being angry, Ungrateful, And judgmental of you. Despite everything You’ve gotten me through. So, this is me- Starting a new chapter- And thanking you. Moving forward, I promise to- Treat you better, And show you Unconditional love That you deserve- More than ever. The same love and grace You offer up To those around you. No matter what You think you see In your reflection- You’re enough. You’re worth it, And you’re beautiful, too. And even more so- Because of every flaw, Scar, and imperfection That makes you- YOU. You have survived Every obstacle, Every hardship, And every battle You were brought to. That says a lot About your spirit, And your strength Underneath. Hold your head high- And keep going- There isn’t anything You can’t defeat.
I cried for you- I held you close. I felt your spirit tremble. I was sorry for everything You were up against- But I also knew It wasn’t anything You couldn’t handle…
Breast Cancer came And stripped me Of my identity.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling- Mentally.
I am still reeling From all I went through Physically…
And still healing From the cancer aftermath Intricacies. It’s tricky.
There’s just so much I feel like I have lost from this…
And yet, in the same breath, I’m incredibly grateful To everyone who was there And got me through it…
But I’m grieving Everything I used to be- Half of my self-image Was ripped from me.
My beautiful hair Came out in clumps. My eyelashes disappeared. And the most feminine parts Of me were stripped away. It’s hard to feel like yourself again when Everything has changed.
My hair is growing back in, Ever so slowly, But strangely. When I look In the mirror now, I hardly recognize the person Standing in front of me.
I look deeply into the eyes Staring back at me- The same eyes I have looked into, And out from My entire life…
And I see so much sadness In that little girl, My inner child, Hidden away Behind those walls Deep down inside of me.
I want her to know That I’m so proud Of everything She’s overcome. I want her to know- She’s beautiful No matter what This life has done.
And even if She no longer Sees it within herself, She has way too much Life left to live To put herself Up on that shelf.
I want her to keep fighting And growing- Through her own inner turmoil- I want her to know that Some of life’s most beautiful Things sprout up from A single seed and lots of soil.
I want her to stop building A fortress to keep the world out- Instead, I want her to feel and pour Her beautiful broken heart out.
I want her spirit to soften Instead of growing bitter. I want her to feel loved In spite of her scars and her flaws- For they will only make her better.
I want her to feel powerful In spite of her weakest moments. And I want her to Spread her wings and fly again… And release All the pain she tends To hide the closest.
I want her to see and feel The magic of this world again. And I want her to know That this battle Isn’t where her precious life ends… It’s where her beautful New chapter begins…
Life’s most precious moments- are fleeting. My heart is alive and well, and still beating.
I’ve been busy living every minute- to the fullest. In the quiet moments, I am grieving. But in the face of it all, I remain upright and stoic.
I may crumble in the dark- but God brings me right back to His light. I may get angry at the journey that lies in front of me. But God is holding my hand tight.
I didn’t ask for this, and I’d rather not have to do it. But God brought me to this- and He will bring me through it.
I choose to set my sights on every silver lining that lies before me. I choose faith over fear, and I hold onto hope with all the courage I have- even while I am mourning.
I believe wholeheartedly that our life journey is for a reason. We may not understand our hardships or life difficulties- but we must remain steadfast, trust in Him and keep believing.
I will give my all- to be a beacon of bright light for all who may go down a similar life journey. This isn’t me going into battle. This is me going through some tough-ass moments, letting go, big personal growth, and so much learning.
Cancer does not, and will not ever define me. I will rise and face the music directly in front of me, bask in God’s healing light, and breathe in peace, as I begin the painful process of leaving this cancer behind me.
dreamer | artist | painter | poet 