The what ifs Will drag you into the mud- And won’t get you anywhere. Although, I think it’s safe to say- We ALL, at times, Go there.
We all have stories That breathe a sadness In our heart. We all have great loss- Because with life, Death also Becomes a part.
We all have so much To be grateful for. If we bask in the blessings That are all around us. We all feel love and compassion Deep in our hearts- Because difficult times Somehow ground us.
Please find kindness In your words to others. Please sort your thoughts Before you open your mouth To speak. Please remember We are all fighting battles Behind closed doors, And we are all just human Behind this veil- We allow the world To see.
Please be mindful- And intentional. Act with integrity And be the person You wish to see. Please be genuine And treat others With care- And do your best To offer up the world Your peace.
F it. FIGHT it. FINISH it. FIND a cure. FIND a way to THRIVE, despite it. And FORGET it, even if only for a moment.
FOCUS on HEALING and self-care. And know that it’s okay to FEEL like your diagnosis isn’t FAIR.
FEEL the big LOVE surrounding you, And all of the support rallying all around you.
FIND BEAUTY in the quiet moments. Remember what really matters and what doesn’t, and then let go of it!
Bid FAREWELL to all that does not support you healthily. And do what’s best for you- both physically and mentally.
FIND JOY in the small things. Keep FAITH and hope alive. Don’t sweat that, which you cannot control. Stop FIGHTING your tears. Allow them to FLOW, and then let it all go.
FIND and allow FORGIVENESS and grace, and practice both daily. Allow yourself time and space to meditate and pray, FAITHFULLY.
And FEEL your FEELINGS all the way through. But remember that cancer does not define you.
Give your anger a voice, and then kill it with kindness. And give your sadness a huge hug- Because sadness reminds us- that we’re only human, going through an extremely difficult human experience!
FIND your STRENGTH. FEEL your POWER. And dig deep for the courage to battle all the way to the FINISH LINE. And then FIND, rediscover and recreate the new you – and your new life… And I hope you choose to shine.
Stand tall alongside all of the other courageous warriors, cancer survivors, and thrivers- Who will continue loving and supporting you, FIGHTING with, and FOR you- and cheering you on for the rest of time, from the sideline.
And honor those who have sadly lost their battle by living your best life for the rest of your life.
You are more powerful than you know. And most importantly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
My belief is that God doesn’t Bring us to the fire- To watch us Go down in flames.
And He doesn’t Ship us out to sea To look on- As we’re swallowed By the giant waves.
And He doesn’t Send us into the eye Of any storm To punish us In such a way That we shall Never again- See the light of day.
My belief is that God brings us To the fire- To watch us grow Until that spark ignites. To look on As our potential Grows higher And higher, And to help us, To shine our new light.
And He ships us Out to sea So we can learn To navigate Uncharted waters, And gain new strength As we learn how to swim. And when we grow Tired and weary, He wants to remind us To go back to Seeking and Believing in Him.
And He sends us Into and through The eye of a storm To show us Our true character And what we’re made of. For us to prove To ourselves That we can be more Than we ever thought We could be- Despite the toughest Battles that fall At our feet.
He sees us- And knows our potential. He challenges us And believes in us Wholeheartedly- And in our ability To overcome Any obstacle We are faced with, In this life, All the way through- To the end.
And He looks on Lovingly As we rise up Again and again. Out of the fire- Out of the water- And on the other side Of every storm- As a better human With a bigger heart, More compassion, Understanding, And a lot less thorns.
I am not the person I used to be- And I have been slow To accept And fully embrace That this IS the story God has written for me.
My darkest moments- Have taught me to see A deeper meaning In the light, And this life. And when my battles Grew harder, I began to Better understand The power Behind my fight. Crying even harder- About all of the Most beautiful reasons- Behind my why.
I am not the person I used to be. I am still- A work in progress, And learning so much About the new me- Daily.
When you have been stripped Of physical attributes You once identified Yourself by, You get to the good stuff, And are humbled and reminded Of all that really matters- In this life.
I am not defined By the darkness Or the obstacles I overcome. But I must choose To rise again and again- To become- My knight in shining armor That slays the darkness By growing into- A better human.
I am not the person I used to be. But I am becoming The person I choose to be. I am millions Of sparkling lights That dance across The night sky- I am the morning sun Peeking over the horizon- Bursting with Magnificent colors At sunrise- Alive with hope. Dancing with joy. Giving gratitude- And fighting To keep shining My love and light From the purest Parts of myself Inside.
I am not the person I used to be. And I am finally ready To accept the new me- With open arms
If the world could see you The way that I do, They would love you and cherish you Just as I do.
They would treat you Without judgment, And see all the reasons why- You hold such a special place In my heart, And are the apple of my eye.
If the world took the time To get to know you, And the small joys That make you smile, They would go out of their way To drop by and play for a while.
If the world could sit down And listen to your heart, And why you feel All the ways you do. They would be less quick to judge, And more understanding And compassionate towards you And everything you do.
If the world could witness Your hidden talents, humor, Silliness, kind heart, Inquisitive mind, and creativity- They would honor you And support you- Without any hesitation. Positively!
But even IF The world could see you, Know you, and understand you In all the incredible ways like I do, There is NO WAY, on this earth, They could ever come close, To loving you just as much As I do!
I’ve grown To understand- There is great power In acceptance. By surrendering To your current reality, You free up Enormous space & energy. Stop fighting- A losing battle. Choose to rise up, And light- A brand new candle. Open your heart And your mind Toward new, Forward movement, And opportunities. This eye-opening Realization Will become- Your blossoming, Your purpose, Your new identity. It’s time to surrender, And finally let go- Of your anger, Bitterness, And sorrow. For holding on- Will only hold off Tomorrow. And fighting it Will only- Keep you stuck In your same old, Broken tracks. Pray for the courage To move on- In faith, and hope And for new possibilities. For the time has come- For you to take Your power back.
I’m so sorry- I gave up on you. For being angry, Ungrateful, And judgmental of you. Despite everything You’ve gotten me through. So, this is me- Starting a new chapter- And thanking you. Moving forward, I promise to- Treat you better, And show you Unconditional love That you deserve- More than ever. The same love and grace You offer up To those around you. No matter what You think you see In your reflection- You’re enough. You’re worth it, And you’re beautiful, too. And even more so- Because of every flaw, Scar, and imperfection That makes you- YOU. You have survived Every obstacle, Every hardship, And every battle You were brought to. That says a lot About your spirit, And your strength Underneath. Hold your head high- And keep going- There isn’t anything You can’t defeat.
That moment when- Your tired mind Can suddenly see- The world, And your current situation Through a completely Different lens.
That moment when- Your mind shifts, The clouds lift, And the sun comes out Welcoming you back home- To your happiness. Right where you belong.
That moment when- The right words are spoken, And your world suddenly realigns, And begins To make some sort of sense – again. After having been in the dark For far too long.
That moment when- Gratitude sneaks back in, And kisses you Softly on the cheek. And you smile in return- From the inside, out- Remembering Just how sweet The littlest things in life Can be.
I haven’t uncovered Or rediscovered The new me just yet. But I’m trying, And I will. In my own time.
I’m still sifting through All the layers of my grief. The hurt and sorrow Is profound, And still runs deep. And it’s uncomfortable, Understandably, For most people to see, And to hear. So I stay quiet. And keep to myself- Until- It spills over, And out, and down From my eyes, And out from my guts, In a powerful sob, From the depths Of my weathered spirit. In the dark of night, In my car after a long day- Or in the shower Where only I can hear it. Some days I feel like I’m standing still- While the world Spins in a blur- Wildly all around me. Above, below And beside me. And they’re busy Living their best life- Without me. Without what- We used to be. Before everything changed- And I get it. But letting go- Is so hard to let it. And some days I feel stuck. And stagnant. Stuck in life. Stuck in my darkness. Stuck in the mud. Stuck in the heaviness That weighs on my heart- When I remember my cancer. And I go right back To feeling sad, And displaced. And alone. Even though I know I’m not. My support system is huge, But my pride is bigger- And wants not to be a burden Or a downer. Because I want to be strong. I want to inspire. I want to empower. And people want to see Me being positive And always finding The silver lining In the face of everything that Went wrong for me. And I do… Except – when I can’t. And I’d like to be super woman. Except – that I’m not. And I’d like to be hopeful and positive Every waking hour, And especially in the face of Personal disasters. Except – that’s not human… And I am.
But God’s got me No matter what. On every front. Through every battle, And every darkness That casts its shadow- Upon me. I know God has greatness In store for me.
I haven’t uncovered Or rediscovered The new me just yet… But I’m still here trying- They say the biggest growth Happens in darkness- And I guess I’m not quite done Growing in mine. But I will be. In my own time.
Just imagine the butterfly- One day I’ll be. Spreading my beautiful wings- For the world to see.
I am- A soft-hearted, Strong-spirited woman- Who has been through Some extremely Difficult times- And feel grateful To have survived it.
I prayed for The courage And strength To be vulnerable, Open and vocal- Through poetry About my life battles Instead of Hiding behind A stoic face- In silence.
My purpose Has never been For pity. But, rather To empower- And be a voice For all those Who suffer Behind closed doors- Around me.
You- Are not alone, And your struggles Are not a weakness. And seeking help That you need To work through it- Doesn’t mean That – You aren’t Strong enough- To beat this.
Therapy Can teach us- A new perspective, Better coping skills, And give us new tools To work through Our personal traumas- And inner unrest.
It should be Looked at the same As going to the doctor When you are Sick and require Extra medicine Or support- In order to Feel your best.
Our life stories Can both connect And unite us- Bring us together To help one another Through- Rather than separate And divide us.
Human connection Is a reflection Of our own life journey- Where we’re at, How we relate, And what we each have- To offer. Speak quietly Or speak loudly But speak your truth Proudly- And watch The world around you Grow softer.
This world- Ravages my heart. The hate, The anger, The war, Blowing lives- And families Wide apart. Why? What for? There are better Things to focus on- And live for. What about Love, And peace, And forgiveness? What about Taking the time To understand One another- And what their Story is- In this? Our differences Don’t have to Divide us. They could be An opportunity To see the world Through a different lens- And provide us- More knowledge, More power, And less fear. We must come together And unite as one. With a willingness To listen to the hurt That comes- With living. We are all battling Some kind of sorrow That weighs Heavily upon our hearts. Let’s be more kind to One another- More patient. Less quick to judge- Lest we fully Tear our beautiful World apart. We desperately Need to treat each other And our earth with more Tender loving care, And consideration… And there’s no better time To start- We CAN change it. What are we all waiting for?
Life is An ebb and flow- Of change And letting go. A rearranging- Of old routines And goodbyes From what You used to know. And this- You MUST do In order to welcome The new you. You must Brace yourself- To embrace Your changed life, To see it all In a new light- In preparation For this new chapter, And a changing Of the tides… And you might find- That you admire The stronger you More than- You could have Ever imagined. I know that’s A tough realization To try and fathom… And that’s not to say- There won’t be days Where you miss The old you, And what used to be- See… We are human, And we seek comfort In the familiar. We love to reminisce In the days when we- Remember… Happiness, bliss, And laughter. We wish We could hold onto The precious moments We’ve captured- With our loved ones And friends. But this BIG life change Isn’t the end. We must find the courage To reinvent ourselves And our lives, And be willing to let go Of old familiarities- For growth happens When we refuse To give up so easily. We must strive To find and feel Adventure And excitement- In this newness. Taking in And feeling grateful for- Each moment And everything We’ve been blessed with. Change is so- HARD. Incredibly hard! Believe me, I get this. But if you can Learn to begin again… Your end Can blossom- Into something beautiful, Magical and meaningful. The end Of one chapter- Might just be The beginning Of a different kind of Happily ever after… Just keep going!
Dedicated to my kids … because life is never easy – and not without change. And because I want to make sure I pour my heart out in its entirety while I’m still here….And I want my words to continue speaking to their hearts long after I’m gone. 💛
“You CAN Overcome Anything”
The truth is You CAN handle Whatever comes your way- No matter how big Or how hard- The life change. You don’t handle Everything all at once- Or all in one day. You handle it In baby steps, And long, deep breaths. You handle it- Moment by moment. Just make the next Right decision- And do your best. Sometimes- You handle it- With tears and talks And late night texts. You handle it- With lots of hugs, And I love yous. You handle it- With naps and walks, Movies, ice cream, Self-care, laughing, Praying and gratitude. You handle it- With those Who have your back- At every turn. Just keep going… Lean into the change- And always- Learn. You handle it- Little bit by little bit. And as you begin To adjust to the changes- You can gradually Let go of the heaviness- Or the overbearing weight of it. And even if you never Fully get over it- You CAN get through it. You ARE strong enough. You ARE capable. And I believe- With all of my heart- That you CAN do it. I love you- With everything That I am- And for as long As I am able to… I promise To hold your heart- And love you Through it- No matter what. You are capable And strong enough- To get through- And overcome The hard stuff.
I cried for you- I held you close. I felt your spirit tremble. I was sorry for everything You were up against- But I also knew It wasn’t anything You couldn’t handle…
Breast Cancer came And stripped me Of my identity.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling- Mentally.
I am still reeling From all I went through Physically…
And still healing From the cancer aftermath Intricacies. It’s tricky.
There’s just so much I feel like I have lost from this…
And yet, in the same breath, I’m incredibly grateful To everyone who was there And got me through it…
But I’m grieving Everything I used to be- Half of my self-image Was ripped from me.
My beautiful hair Came out in clumps. My eyelashes disappeared. And the most feminine parts Of me were stripped away. It’s hard to feel like yourself again when Everything has changed.
My hair is growing back in, Ever so slowly, But strangely. When I look In the mirror now, I hardly recognize the person Standing in front of me.
I look deeply into the eyes Staring back at me- The same eyes I have looked into, And out from My entire life…
And I see so much sadness In that little girl, My inner child, Hidden away Behind those walls Deep down inside of me.
I want her to know That I’m so proud Of everything She’s overcome. I want her to know- She’s beautiful No matter what This life has done.
And even if She no longer Sees it within herself, She has way too much Life left to live To put herself Up on that shelf.
I want her to keep fighting And growing- Through her own inner turmoil- I want her to know that Some of life’s most beautiful Things sprout up from A single seed and lots of soil.
I want her to stop building A fortress to keep the world out- Instead, I want her to feel and pour Her beautiful broken heart out.
I want her spirit to soften Instead of growing bitter. I want her to feel loved In spite of her scars and her flaws- For they will only make her better.
I want her to feel powerful In spite of her weakest moments. And I want her to Spread her wings and fly again… And release All the pain she tends To hide the closest.
I want her to see and feel The magic of this world again. And I want her to know That this battle Isn’t where her precious life ends… It’s where her beautful New chapter begins…
Breast Cancer Kicked me down- From diagnosis To doctors appointments, To consultations- And further testing. From big surgeries To healing and resting- And then, just when I was feeling strong again, It kicked me back down- And I laid lifeless After my very last Chemo round… And when I thought The worst was over, It blindsided me, And knocked me further- Down to the ground… And God brought me To my knees. Reaching for me. Holding me, And humbly Reminding me Of all the healing I have left to do. The emotions That have pooled- Of all that has happened. I must now- Begin to work thru. My cancer days are Behind me- But in front of me Lies a heavy blanket of grief- The cancer aftermath- The emotional rollercoaster. The forever hangover, And the reminders That there are no do-overs. The loss of what I once was- Before cancer took Those parts of me. And the new reality Of what now is… The new ‘survivor’ me. The traumas, And inside wounds I must now tend to. My broken heart- Just doesn’t hold The same magic it used to. My recovery is far from over. There’s no end game. No end date. But the cancer is gone, And life should be great. Except that it’s not. And that makes me Feel guilty- More times than not. The future feels Haunting, Overwhelming, And daunting. It feels defeating, Sorrowful, And sad. I feel angry, And in moments- Stark raving mad. It’s hard to wrap My head around- The magnitude Of all I’ve been through. And no one around me Understands the depth Of anything I’m feeling Or going through. I’m just back to living As if everything I just went through Wasn’t anything. Except that it was… And the sadness, And mood swings, And feelings Are horribly isolating, And deeply Heartbreaking. But I’m still here Doing my best. Reminding myself daily That I’m blessed. Because I am. But underneath it all- I’m still struggling. More than I care to admit. My life has forever changed And I’m not convinced That I’m better for it Yet.
A soft, gentle breeze Rustles the crackling leaves From the surrounding trees. They sway back and forth Gliding across the blue sky, Dancing ever so lightly- On the wings Of the cooler Autumn air- Making their journey Back down to earth. This is a season Of transformation. A time of letting go, And for some – A time of rebirth. The closing of a window, Another chapter. The shadows of summer Fading- Faster and faster. Warmer days Drifting away, And cooler temperatures Greeting us at sunrise, The brisk autumn air Beginning to freeze Under the twinkling night sky. The time of shorter days, And longer nights. Warmth from The afternoon sun Occasionally beckons Us all – back outside And we bask In bliss and gratitude- Delighted by the Colors, and beauty in The changing season. Fall has arrived, And winter isn’t far behind. A time for deeper reflection, Looking within, Slowing down, Cozying up, And leaning in- To change. I am thankful For every fleeting moment And memory made. My family And our time here Together Is everything!
I’m searching High and low- For the rainbow In my new normal. Crying, praying, Pondering, And wavering Between hope And hopeless. Between faith And why this? Feeling all the weight, and strain, And bulk of this- New world I’m staring into. A long road ahead Of healing, And reeling, And struggling To stand tall, And strong again. I feel like I’m fighting Against the wind. But I always fight To win. I’m weakened, And I’ve been Hit hard By chemo treatment. My daily struggles Are no secret. My dignity Has taken a big hit. And I’m right in The thick of it. Hair loss, weight gain, Stiff, painful muscles, Twitching, sensitive eyes, And Menopause – Overnight. Tissue expanders, And fluid retention. I’m down at the bottom Begging for redemption. Breast Cancer Is a disease and a terrible life infection A life changing direction, With deepened introspection Of who and what I am at my core Because everything That once was- Is nothing like It was – before. I must do Everything Within my power To find the rainbow After this storm. I must set my ego aside And find the light In my new life- My new norm. For there is beauty To be found In every life cycle And in every living form.
Unveiled My new set of eyes- My new perspective, Opened wide- On my own precious life. They cry more. They crave more. They hold more- Life inside the lens. They feel more. They’ve seen more. They know more- Truths that aren’t pretend. They radiate gratitude To their ultimate capacity. They overfill and spill-over One by one by one With pure love, And transparency. They see life’s flaws- And quickly dismiss them. They witness faults, And feel love, And forgiveness. For we are only human. They see love and kindness- And they light up, And sparkle with a brightness. They see pain, and age, And a weakened body Struggling to stand upright. But they offer grace In the face of defeat- Knowing this sight- Won’t be her last fight. They see a new fire And a fierceness Behind her tired gaze, And they raise it- For cancer Has seen its final day And there’s no time Left to be wasted. Get busy planting every seed And pray to watch it grow. And water your hopes Your dreams, Your family, and everything That matters to you so. This life goes by faster Than the blink of an eye. And my new eyes Are opened wide.
Colors and words sing and dance to the rhythm of my heart, my spirit, my being. They become the ultimate expression for my life journey, my perspective, and my feelings.
I create art and poetry from the purest part of who I am – at my core. In all the moments when I feel lost, alone, and afraid, I try to remind myself of who I was – before.
Before all of the hardships, life traumas, and loss. Before I grew up, and my childhood innocence was lost.
I’m still that little girl deep down inside, Staring at the world with wonder, and mesmerized eyes.
I still get excited about lightning and thunder, and rainbows after the rain. I still love to jump in puddles, stare up at the moon, and stars, and make snowmen on snow days.
I still love to lay down and stare up at the clouds in the sky, daydream about life, and what it would be like to fly.
I still get excited for fun in the sun, and playing in the warm water. I still feel so much love inside my heart just to be my parents’ daughter.
I still love to camp in the mountains, go for hikes, and make smores around the fire. I love to live, and I live to love, create art, write, teach, and inspire.
I love to give homemade gifts because those were my favorite to get growing up. I love to spend time around those dearest to my heart because memories fill up my cup.
I love to bake homemade cookies because my grandma’s were my favorite. I love westerns and football on Sundays because that’s what my early days were made of.
I love the smell of lilacs in spring, my grandpa’s garage where he worked, and my grandparents’ swimming pool chlorine. My joy and happiness in every memory will forever make my heart sing.
I love to remember all the ways I love and adore my life, And I’m still that little girl deep down inside- who can’t wait to go play outside.
The circle of life, the cycles of time. Sweet coincidences, synchronicities, and tender moments with our loved ones by our side.
Beautiful memories that taste of love, and magic, and carry us for a lifetime.
New beginnings, and the excitement of new chapters, and adventures. New life entering this world with the promise of continuation, and elation, and getting to watch them grow. Loving, protecting, and encouraging them as they go. Our children bring the promise of light, and hope through life’s constant ebb and flow.
Life and loss throughout our time here- reminds us of life’s greatest treasures, and the value of all that we hold dear. Our moments are a gift- priceless and tethered. Our loved ones who have gone on Live in our hearts, and throughout our time here forever. This life is precious, and perfectly imperfect throughout each, and every day. This world is incredible, awe-inspiring, and should be coveted, and protected in every way.
Take the time to take in- the sunsets, sunrises, snowy, and rainy days, clouds, and endless blue skies. The glow of the moon, and the milky way. The stars that twinkle and shine. The animals, mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and ocean tides. The flowers, the trees, the birds, and the bees. The forests, the beaches, the sand, and the breeze. The mountainous, the tropical, the frozen, the desert, and the plains. The earth in all it’s wonder, and majesty with every imaginable type of terrain.
Take in the changing of the seasons, holidays, and celebrations of every type. Life is short, so be thoughtful, and always be kind. Live now, and love deeply. There is no redo or rewind. Be humble, and gracious. Forgive, and let go. Learn every lesson presented. You’re never too old to grow. Laugh loud, and laugh often. And humor your way through it. Life is good, bad, and at times unbearable. That’s just the cold, hard truth of it. But the cycles of life are precious, and breathtaking, and 1000 percent worth it.
The circle of life, the cycles of time. I’m so very grateful, from the bottom of my heart, for each one of you. Thank you for being such a beautiful, and bright part of mine.
dreamer | artist | painter | poet 