From the very first moment
I learned of your beautiful
And surprising existence,
I was head-over-heals in love.
I was terrified at the thought
Of how we’d raise three,
But I knew I could anything
With help from God up above.
Your life was a gift and a blessing to our family.
A miracle we eagerly anticipated.
We built a bright future in all of our hearts.
And lovingly placed you within it.
There are no words for the sorrow we felt-
To learn your heartbeat no longer existed.
The mere shock of it took our breath away.
And we cry each time we relive it.
As your mother, I feel like I failed you-
And my body failed to keep you alive.
My high blood pressure threatened both of us.
And I am forever sorry – for the rest of my life.
I wish that I’d had a single moment in time-
To scoop you up in my arms, to hold you tight.
To snuggle, cuddle and rock you to sleep.
Tuck you in and kiss you good night.
I don’t know why God needed you back so soon.
And I’m not sure that I’ll ever understand.
But, I am forever blessed to have been your mom
Both humbled and grateful for the time we had.
I still run today for the health of my heart.
And I run because of you.
And to live this life as long as I am able,
I run for your sister and brother, too.
I run with you always inside of my heart,
On my mind and with me in spirit.
You are the wings that give flight to my life,
As I move onward, upward and through it.
-Tanielle Childers © August 8, 2014