My 2nd Ultrasound – Pregnant at 40

My second ultrasound
On June 22nd
Twenty-seventeen
Your dad and I nervously
Awaiting the news-

In silence, we stared at the screen.
This week, we saw little, tiny, beautiful you
In the form of an itty bitty yolk.
Our initial excitement-
Transformed into heartbreak-
When the technician finally spoke.

Your baby is measuring 6 weeks and 3 days
You’d grown so much in just 1 week….
But the words she spoke next …. crumbled me.
Leaving me numb at the thought of a repeat …
“I’m so sorry, your baby has no heartbeat.

Deep sadness smothered my spirit-
I laid back and closed my eyes tight.
I had prayed so hard both day and night-
For a miracle, for strength, for your life.

Sometimes, miracles aren’t meant to be-
And you may never understand just why…

The doctor gave us a sliver of hope
After we were escorted into her room-
She said not every pregnancy is textbook-
And the sonographer may have spoken too soon.

There’s a chance you might possibly already be gone-
But a sliver of hope that the sonographer may be wrong…
Two days until we know, couldn’t possibly come soon enough-
We’ll hold onto hope, our faith in God and a miracle…
We already love you so much!

-Tanielle Childers © June 22, 2017

(We found out on Saturday, June 24th that my hcg levels were not rising high enough to support a growing baby. We were absolutely devastated all over again. I chose to miscarry our beautiful baby naturally)

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