My 1st Ultrasound – Pregnant at 40

My first ultrasound
On the thirteenth of June
Twenty-seventeen
Headed in with thoughts
Of being somewhere around 7½ weeks.

A healthy gestational sac…
And nothing more could we see-
Putting me closer to 4½-5 weeks,
Without a yolk or fetal pole to be seen.
How on earth could this possibly be?

This appointment-
Leaves me feeling numb,
A bit heartbroken-
And impatient-
For answers to come.

In the following week-
I’ll have another follow-up ultrasound
Looking for answers – as to what might be.
A healthy pregnancy with a different timeline?
Or another heartwrenching miscarriage for me …
At age 40

It’s all in God’s hands now
The only thing I can viably do-
Is to let go, let God, and let it be-
While I wait patiently for more news.

A blighted ovum or a baby to be-
An uncertain and unknown future for our sweet baby
I have faith in God for whatever is meant to be.
But my heart is weary, worn and cautious-
With much less jubilee.

-Tanielle Childers © June 14, 2017

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